Living in Toxicity

I have been wanting to write about this for as long as 6 months now. What stopped me? Toxicity.

The verbal meaning of toxicity is simple: the quality of being very harmful or unpleasant. But the experiential meaning differs drastically.

Here's an excerpt from a casual conversation with my husband.

Me: "I just don't feel good."

Him: "All's well; what's wrong?"

Me: "You decided that before even listening to me."

Him: "Well, as long as you and I are not fighting, it's all good."

Me: "I don't think you'll ever understand."

Him: "Come on now! I don't go out with friends so often. I don't abuse you. I make sure you're secure. What more is required?"

Me: "Some wounds are not visible, and you don't have to abuse someone physically to hurt them. There are many other ways of hurting someone; if you're only aware, you'll be able to see."

This was a conversation after I was hurt about something. What? That's unimportant; it's the effect it has on us that I want to share.

Whether we live in big or small families, whether we work or own a business, it's natural to have disagreements. The problem arises when respect is forgotten and focus is only on the disagreement.

Toxicity, I feel, is not how you hurt someone physically but how you behave with someone. It's not about the wounds on the outside but the charred self-respect that's never spoken about. It's not the loss of blood that's visible but the internal bleed that happens so slowly that many of us don't realize until we totally drain out.

No one addresses the anguish of cold behaviors, the suffering caused by the underlying meaning of spoken words, or the pain inflicted by the very people we once believed were our own.

Whether it's the harsh verbal confrontation or the ignorance of one's existence altogether. Whether it's the taunts that are carelessly aimed at children for their different ways or the inaudible, dominant jibes made at daughters-in-law for not following the code of the household. Whether it's plotting against a colleague only because he/she is not liked or the misuse of someone's emotions for self-gain, each one of these creates an environment of toxicity.

I have seen those who continue to work with toxic people because they need the money, women who continue to live with a toxic husband because they want a secure future for their children, other women who live with toxic in-laws because they cannot go back to their house, boys and girls who continue in toxic relationships for fear of losing their love, and children who put up with toxic parents because they don't want a broken family.

These are beings who deserved to thrive, to blossom, to love and be loved.

Living in toxicity is no one's choice, but living in toxicity has unknowingly and sadly become the way of life. A way that traumatizes the mind, body and soul.

I'm sure each one of us knows at least one person living this way. Look around, be empathetic. Listen, support them. Make them laugh. Try your best. Add value to their lives because of all the unwanted things this world offers; living a meaningful life is the most important yet easily forgotten task.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS

CHS

ELEPHANTS OF THE PAST

On a recent visit to Jodhpur for a wedding, I had the opportunity to visit The Mehrangarh fort. It is a beautifully designed fort that rests on a serene hilltop in Jodhpur. A huge stone named ‘Rao Jodha ka Falsa’ welcomed us as we walked through the ‘Jaipol’, the main entrance. The huge wooden doors, the treasures, the cannons overlooking the once blue city, and the paintings, attires and toys of the royal family are all displayed for the public to get a sneak peek into the royal lives.

The room of mirrors, the room with intricate flower carvings, the royal courtroom, the leisure room, the open space for queens’ recreation and the Chamunda Devi temple gave us glimpses of the glorious past.

History has mesmerised and intrigued me equally since my school days. The people, their way of life, the culture, and the rituals - I believe all of it had a meaning. It is needless to say that our ancestors though unacquainted with technology managed to accomplish feats that are thought impossible even with the best amenities today.

What bewilders me is the possibility of constructing such gigantic structures that have survived through centuries. Many sacred Jain Temples are built on mountains that seem insurmountable to us with the least baggage. The Shatrunjay Mahatirth, Girnaji’s Neminath temple, and Sammed Shikharji’s temples are all living examples. Many take the help of locals to carry them to the temples because it is challenging to reach the shrine. These were all made centuries before and they continue to stand tall and strong, unhindered by changing seasons and centuries, available for us to take blessings of the Lord and displaying the engineering prowess of the past generations.

The very first room in the fort is a gallery of Howdahs. These carriages were mounted on the backs of elephants and used by the royals during processions, hunting and warfare. It was a matter of honour for royals to participate in processions mounted on them. A guide standing close to me told his tourists that the elephants are the only reason for these massive constructions and I couldn’t agree with him anymore.

I have heard the use of the term ‘Elephant in the room’ but when I look at the palaces, forts, and temples built on high mountains, all I want to think about are the ‘Elephants of the Past’.

When we think of elephants, we visualize the huge ears flapping to and fro, the ivory tusks that grow more than half of our height, the big mouth that can devour a bunch of bananas at once, the big stomach that moves with every step and the heavy legs capable of crushing bones to powder.

Some worship them as significant to a particular god and some take them as entertainment. But have we ever given them their credit for being the key factor in shaping nature and our being?

Biologically, Elephants shape the environment and support many other species in the ecosystem. They create clearances allowing sunlight to fall on the ground amidst canopies and help smaller plants to grow. They help in seed dispersal. The waterholes they make help many animals survive during droughts. They are capable of changing the course of rivers. This highlights their importance to our existence.

Historically, elephants were the only animals equipped with the strength to carry heavy materials, and haul logs and stones required to build the buildings that are now a part of our cultural heritage. India’s Taj Mahal, Dubai’s Burj Khalifa, Sri Lanka’s intricate irrigation system and the ancient cities are examples of the elephants’ contributions.

Jainism, Hinduism and Buddhism treat elephants as venerable beings. Elephants are symbols of wisdom, strength, loyalty, fertility and power. They stand tall outside many temples as wise protectors that guard and lead. They are associated with water and rainfall. Jain art also depicts them as a symbol of adoration and worship.

The next time I see an elephant, I will be seeing more than just its enormity. I will be looking at the enormous and selfless contribution to our history, biology, culture and heritage. Bowing down would be the least I could do.

Cheers To the True Guardians and Keepers.

GOD BLESS!!

CHS