No shame..

One of hubby's relative had observed Gangaur fast this year. We along with many other women were invited to take part in the pooja.

After Pooja, it was lunch time and as usual we women directed ourselves to the kitchen. Being around the stove for too long, the heat was taking a toll on me. So I decided to sit down and roll puris instead.

Just as me and my sister in law started, a cute little girl walked up to us and asked for the dough ball. I asked her why she wanted it, she said I want to make puris. Her grandmother and mother looked at her in awe, praising her as she sat next to me to roll puris with a rolling pin that was way bigger than her 2 year old hands.

I wondered, why wasn't there any boy walking up to us and say I want to make puris? What made this cutie leave her playmates and come to us? I looked around and knew just why.

The kitchen was filled with ladies except for just 2 men who served the other men who were having lunch.

From chopping to frying, kneading dough to making puris, heating curries, setting plates and even picking up dishes after eating, everything was being managed by women. The men came, sat, joked, laughed, ate, washed their hands and had a great time. 

We had to be content meeting each other, talking in the kitchen and getting some time out while we ate and our mother in laws served.

It's not the boys fault to think that kitchen is not their place to be when there are literally no men in the kitchen at such occasions. 

Cherith usually asks me, why do you always say I have to cook food, make chapatis, I have to wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, I have to wash/ dry/ fold clothes, press them;  whenever I ask you to play? You are always busy, you never play with me, he complains.

He is right I used to think but now I realize he is half right. Everything's not my job after all, but do I let others do it?

So since yesterday I agreed to play with him, if he helped me with 'my work'. The sooner I finish, more play time we have. Voila! Playtime is his motivation to offer to help me.

Why blame the men always? We women are the ones who say, please don't bother, I'll do it. We not only go out of our ways, but sometimes even push our limits as we continue to carry out our daily duties irrespective of the time, going against our will and even ignoring our health many times.

I agree that we have been conditioned to be hands on, not only for our children but for everyone in the family. But now is the time to change that. I confess that I never asked hubby to help me in the kitchen, I'd serve hot food to everyone first and sit down to eat in the end, getting up every time I had to fetch something.

Now, that has changed. I call out for him or cherry and ask them to pass on anything that I forget to take. Why am I not entitled to have a peaceful meal after working for hours?

Let's not be ashamed to communicate that basic life skills have no gender. Cooking, doing dishes and laundry, cleaning the house, driving, taking care of elderly and children; none of these are gender particular roles. It's time for us women to become shameless and change the thought without the guilt of who thinks what. 

I have no shame in letting my husband make his tea or dry his towel. I have no shame in letting cherith wash his clothes or his plate after eating. I have no shame in asking for help when I need it.

I have no shame in trying my best to make him a person that doesn't depend on others for food, laundry or cleaning when he grows up..

GOD BLESS!!

CHEERS!

Question-pedia...

I take pride in being who I am and the place that I come from but I also acknowledge and realize that my ancestors had bizzare practices and traditions that they followed and passed on.

While none of their successors seemed to have a problem with that, they never even questioned their validity or relevance.

I recollect how I used to question maa about little things I found different while I grew up and she used to shut me up saying "That's how it is" to which I countered "But why?" and she said "We were told to do so and we did" "But why dint you ever question?" "We din't think about things, just did as we were told. Now stop asking me because I have no answers."

I was unhappy to be left with unanswered questions but I was furious about the unexplained practices more.

For example, women touching feet of their husband's sister (irrespective of their age difference). I always believe those who are younger take blessings from elders.

Women comparing their life to that of their daughter in laws. Mostly referring to their sacrifices, stringent lifestyles they lived and conveniently demeaning every single effort the so called new generation girls make.

The tradition of giving money, gifts to daughters, every single time. I used to have verbal tussles with maa regarding the same. Not just the daughters, their husband's and their families without expecting anything in return and still always falling short of something. Is it in the first place, their duty? Or do they simply get their daughter married an adopt the entire family?

Son in law's being treated as guests, greeted with folded hands, considered a prince from la la land, served hot food while daughter in laws are just free maids who don't deserve to even eat with the other members. Forget hot meals, equal status and good behaviour.

Having a child (preferably a boy) is the top most priority of a girl after marriage. Isn't that a personal decision to make? Isn't it shamelessly barging into someone's privacy?

Is it that none of your ideas, words or deeds matter throughout your life? Is it that if you're a daughter or a daughter's parents everything valueable about you vanishes?

Why is it that parents of girls are treated lesser while they should be worshipped for keeping the balance in the society..? Imagine one without girls...

I'm not being biased about girls. Boys are subject to a silent yet overpowering discrimination. Boys never get an equal and safe space to emote. Why are they called girls if they cry? Why can't they be vulnerable and fragile?

Why do widows have to give up colours, mehendi, certain jewelry and being a part of important occasions? Why is she taken to mean inauspicious because her husband died before her? I hate to see my mother in law standing behind when she pushes us ahead to take part in weddings, poojas or such other ceremonies.

Wives helping their husbands in business are mostly not welcome. I heard someone say "We won't eat from the money women earn". Does that make them less of a man?

Many would ask me to shut up but I have started questioning just yet.. Call me a torture or a question-pedia. But the fact is, we are rebels if we question and are we logically alive if we don't..?

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Make a difference..

I encountered a woman (I would not like to name) a few days back who gave me a glimpse of why exactly I dislike somethings about us as a society.

She said "A daughter's mother is the one who will touch the feet of her son-in-law's mother, not the other way round. The one who marries her daughter will always be inferior" and I lost track of what she said next because I couldn't take my mind of her preposterous declaration!

I already always hated seeing my mother touch my mother-in-law's feet (with no offense to her) despite maa being more than 6 years elder to her.

I'd have been fine if they just greeted each other. I'd have loved it for my mother-in-law to stop maa from doing so at the very first instance. I would have been elated to see them hug each other instead as equals.

While I got snapped out of my over expectation within seconds, I was angry about what this woman in question actually thinks about everyone who has a daughter..

I have been the receiver of critisism myself for being a daughter, I have heard things about do's and don't to be followed by a girl's parents. I've always loathed such conversations where the one who produced a male thinks that just That, makes them superior to the one who produced a female.

How in the world would one explain that??

Daughters are not and never were a liability. I know that's how we were taken to be, I know our grandparents were not happy when we were born but they grew to love us nevertheless because that's what we deserve.

As I write this, I go back to the day when my brother and bhabhi gave us a beautiful daughter. I can not forget the happiness on Maa's face. She ran into the kitchen pulled out a plate and rolling pin from the drawers and started hitting the rolling pin on the plate. This is only done when a boy is born, but she dint care. She was ecstatic and she wanted to show it to the world.

I also recollect how my parents got sweet hampers made for close ones and laddoos for everyone else to be circulated to celebrate the birth of their granddaughter.. 

Your importance has nothing to do with the gender of the child you give birth to. There still exist practices, ideologies and habits that are not just backward but sickening. I could go on and on about them.

For now, I want to keep these emotions and memories with me and pass them on to you. Making a difference starts with us from home.

Cheers!

God bless!!

CHS