OVER EMPLOYED : A Job in Great Demand During Growing Unemployment that No One Applies For

 Unemployment is a situation where someone is actively looking for work but unable to find it. Despite being on every political party’s manifesto ever, it is something that’s always been a work in progress. Unemployment is growing and will soon be in double digits. But here is an industry that is over-employing and still growing.

Here’s a sneak-peek at the average yearly unemployment rate in India over the past 10 years.

YEAR	UNEMPLOYMENT RATE
2014-2019	3.4% - 3.6%
2020	23.5% (April)
2021	7.33%
2023	8.03%
2024	7.8%

 

According to most economic commentators, the unemployment situation is worsening. But there’s one underrated industry that has had an upward curve irrespective of the  aforementioned unemployment rates, the economic scenario and the volatile Indian market : The Indian household.

Approximately 10 million weddings take place in India annually, recruiting 10 million new unsuspecting employees to this industry. It won’t, however, occur to these new employees that they are new hires until after the first night (or first day ‘on the job’).

More often, these new hires are given a notice period called the engagement. However, no one prepares for the job description awaiting them- the ‘daughter-in-law’- a title that fits many roles into one. Oh, did I say that these employees are only women because only the ‘fairer sex’ is expected to move to a different household, city, or country for a job that has no distinct job title and perks?

The daughters-in-law are expected to take charge as soon they finish customary rituals and ceremonies where the parents of the decorated employee hand over their life’s treasure to the manager of the household who vows to look after the employee but eventually forgets to as the reigns are controlled solely by the owner of the organization (household).

The newly designated employee’s job description is rather straight-forward — to cater to the needs of everyone including superiors and subordinates, not to question or challenge the workings of the household, to avoid expressing dislikes, to ignore the urge to bring any changes (generally positive but unwelcome) and never to offer their opinion. These exist as unwritten, nevertheless binding, contracts, although the new employees are never told about it during their engagement period.

Their contract has no clauses for their benefits, except that they (often, but not necessarily always) have a secure, amicable ambiance to work, apart from free stay and complimentary food (although mostly prepared by them).

There is no negotiation on salary, off or sick leaves. They work for no pay and no holidays. On the other hand, they work overtime during holidays and the festive season. Their employment contract subtly extends to uninvited clients and unforgiving relative organizations (i.e., households).

A part of the job profile is to keep the new company (i.e., household) premises clean and hygienic, even when the organization’s members are not very clean and hygienic themselves. But that is not all: she has the additional task of taking care of the physical and mental well-being of all the members, even as she faces the danger of a personal mental and physical breakdown.

In other industries, new employees are sometimes provided with joining perks. In the household industry, the new employee is expected to bring in gifts- not just while joining but at subsequent regular intervals!

The expectations to change the way they dress, sit, walk, talk, and behave (including renunciation of their dreams, ambitions and voice) are expressed so nonchalantly that the employees now come to believe that they lived a false life until then. The rule is to keep others above themselves at all times, irrespective of the treatment they receive. It is also presumed that they would successfully contribute towards growing the strength of the household by bringing in more wealth in the form of babies, preferably boys (so that the strength only grows).

The daughters-in-law are the first to wake up and last to retire, the ones who cook and last ones to eat, the ones to care for everyone and not be cared for and the ones who work selflessly never to be acknowledged.

It is an amazingly designed, fool-proof mechanism that has been prevalent since time immemorial. The employees who challenge the system are fired and the ones who do not, continue to be slaves of the household till death do them apart.

Research shows that the wedding season will witness a surge with 4.8 million marriages by the year-end of 2024 alone. While the country sets out to celebrate the wedding season and boost the local economy, I quietly join my hands in the quiet corner of my organization (household) and pray that the almighty bestows the new employees to this wretched but ever-green industry with enormous strength because, well, this is all that we can hope to accomplish. The Hope of appreciation is the only thing that will keep them attached to their organization (household).

 GOD BLESS!

CHS

The Insensitive Co-Passenger

Travel is something all of us look forward to. Its what helps us unwind and rejuvenate as we get out of our mundane lives and await new experience our travel has to offer. But what if your pleasure turns into pain at the very beginning of the journey?

I took a flight to Mumbai a few months ago to take part in a poetry recitation. I occupied an empty chair between two gentlemen as I had walked enough to board my flight at 4.30 a.m.

A boy in his 20’s (I don’t address him as a gentleman for a reason) sat in a chair in front of me beside a couple. When zone 4 passengers were asked to go ahead and board the flight, he hastily got up and walked on.

The man sitting next to him, called out “Excuse me, you forgot your cup” pointing at the forgotten cup of coffee. He turned, picked the cup, smiled wryly and headed back.

“Excuse me, there’s coffee spilled on the seat”, he said again. The boy rolled his eyes and carelessly wiped the seat with the sleeve of his t-shirt and ran back before he could be called again.

The couple gave each other a disappointing look as they noticed some coffee still spilled on the seat. I wondered how ill-mannered, educated people can be.

On the flight, I noticed a group of friends all seated in different seats to their bad luck. They got up as soon as the ‘fasten the seat belt’ sign was off and leisurely hovered all over the aircraft catching up with their friends.

A man beside me called the airhostess at least 7 times asking her for water every time. I admired the patience she had with this person who sat next to me.

One other time, I was travelling to Chennai in an AC coach. A man about 4 rows away from my seat played tri-lingual Facebook videos continuously for 3 hours when everyone around him was trying to sleep. Unable to take it anymore, I got up, walked up to him.

“Excuse me. Could you please reduce the volume?” I asked politely.

“Ah? Ah!” He replied in his accent and went back to his reels.

He did not pay heed to my request and continued for another half an hour before he got bored and started snoring in a few minutes.

A woman on my side was travelling with her two children. She fed her children as soon as the train left its station of origin. The stench of the food filled the coach as soon as the boxes opened. 30 minutes later, one of the children vomited. 5 minutes later, she gave them potato chips and chocolates. The wrappers were irresponsibly scattered around their seats and then they slept for 2 hours.

They were given more food when they woke up and I looked in disbelief and they cleaned all the boxes in front of them.

Behind me were three women who seemed to have the time for their lives. They spoke, laughed loudly and fiddled with the shade blind every now and then making it look like we had barged into their homes uninvited.

When the TTE had asked to check our tickets at the start, he said, “Your son is 9 years old and that woman there claims her son is 7 years old”, pointing at a woman sitting one row away.

I got up to take a look at her son and he looked more than 10 years old to me.

“Don’t I know the difference between a 7 and a 10 year old?” He asked me without expecting an answer.

“It’s always better to travel comfortably.” I responded with a smile.

“The fine is way more than the price of the ticket but some people don’t understand”, he added before moving ahead.

The woman later got up and sat across from me. “How old is your son?” She forced a smile.

“9.” I replied

“My son is 10. I did not know I had to take a ticket for him. I thought he could sit in my lap. I had to pay fine unnecessarily.”

“It is advisable to buy a ticket for children above 5 years. It’s just half the price for ages 5–12.” I said and she raised her eyebrows as if this is something she heard for the first time.

All of this was a little amusing but mostly distressing. I realised that a few kinds of travellers are capable of leaving us agonized.

While it is painful to go through such experiences, I’d like to share an incident that happened years ago.

I was travelling with my family and all our tickets were not confirmed despite booking them long before the travel date. We had 4 confirmed tickets amongst 6 of us. My sister was annoyed at the thought of travelling without reservation.

My father, being the typical middle class man, asked us to adjust as we had no choice. So we took our seats and wondered how we are going to spend two nights with the shortage of berths.

A couple in the same compartment smiled at us occasionally and had a casual chat with my parents. The first night on the train was a little traumatic. We woke up the next morning dreading another night of adjustment when the couple started talking to my parents again.

“We will deboard at Miraj junction at 12.pm. You can keep our berths. We saw how uncomfortable your kids were last night”

All of us were surprised at this heartwarming gesture that was totally uncalled for.

“Thank you so much. But the TTE would have the list and the berths may have been allotted to other passengers”

“Don’t worry about that. We have a reservation till the destination. We just had a change of plans. It would be wise to let you use the berths. Why cancel them and waste money?” uncle added.

They deboarded as informed and we spent the rest of the journey grateful that we met these absolutely sweet and considerate co-passengers.

Let us avoid being the reason for our fellow passengers’ discomfort. Let us uphold the dignity of public property and public spaces.

I pledge to practice travel etiquette, keep distance when I find an Insensitive Co-passenger and try my best not to become one. After all it costs nothing to be kind.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Love life..

I am old school. I like to live peacefully. I like to keep secrets. I am very shy about my intimate relationship.

I have been in love since 7th grade. My family knew within a year and my friends after a few years.

Though they had all been encouraging and accepting of my love, I couldn’t muster the courage to share it with the world.

So I simply hung in there. To spend time with my love and be there for my love. We grew together, became better versions of ourselves with each other’s help, and the thought of parting ways never crossed our minds. It was a good omen.

I seemed to have found a partner that had no set boundaries for me. I was not criticised for my limitations. In fact, the more time we spent with each other, the more deeply we connected. Our bond is unbreakable now.

We like to enjoy each other's company in solitude. We do not like to be judged by people. We give meaning to each other's existence. We respect each other's privacy, maintain our individual spaces, and want the same with the outside world.

But recently, my quiet, solitary affair was blown out of proportion, and now the world knows about it.

After keeping it under wraps for years, preparing for the reveal for months, and waiting for the moment for weeks, my first book Nav Udit (new beginning), was published in May this year.

"Nav - Udit" New Beginning https://amzn.in/d/9SIFFT6

I was promoted to being an author from being just another writer who wrote poetry and writeups as a hobby.

My secret affair was now known to everyone. The nervousness and anxiety, the doubt and apprehensions, the concern and uncertainty about acceptance were all wiped off when I and my love for writing were welcomed with open arms and all the warmth I could imagine.

I eventually became a bestselling author, and it felt like my love had just taken flight. Soon, I was blessed with a second child, my second book, 7 Basics to be a child again.

https://amzn.in/d/7Umvcow

This book also went on to become a hot new release and a bestseller only fuelling my fire to write more and grow more.

With all the love and encouragement I look forward to having more titles to my name, inspiring people, motivating fellow authors and writers, entertaining readers and contributing in whatever way I can while nurturing my first love that has its own challenges.

Each child’s birth (book) had a different journey with its own share of pains, problems, struggles and joys which I will elaborate on in the coming issue.

I hope to have a wonderful love life going forward and many more children to mother.

GOD BLESS!

CHEERS!

CHS

Rafting lessons

I had been to Bali with my husband and child last month. It was our first international trip together which we made sure was a good blend of adventure and relaxation.

One of the first things on the list was white water rafting. We walked through beautiful rice fields and descended a fleet of uneven, rocky and shaky steps on a mountain that led us to the rafting site. The roar of the river as I walked down scared me but I had to do it.

We stood near our rafts, about 15 minutes later where our rafting instructor gave us basic information, do's and don'ts. I was excited about our first adventure together. We hopped onto the rafts gripping our paddles firmly.

A few minutes later, we saw many other rafting companies, with their rafts and customers. Eventually tourists from Korea China, Africa, India, Russia, England were seen aboard rafts at different places.

We were enjoying the occasional rapids, when our raft got stuck on a big rock. We were instructed to jump on the raft so it would slip back on the water. After successfully accomplishing that, we encountered huge rapids where I lost grip of my raft and it fell in the water.

We stopped ahead to splash with the other rafts of the same company when one of them passed my raft that he had grabbed from the water. We also got down where the river was shallow to enjoy a waterfall. The water fell from a height on our helmeted heads but we could still feel the hit.

We stopped midway to relax and got back onto our rafts admiring the enchanting silence of the forest around us and the calm water that slowly moved us ahead. My son insisted on rafting but the instructor disapproved of it. So I gave him my raft but also held on to it to help him raft and not to loose it again. We met a few more high rapids towards the end that ended with a slide. We warmly thanked our instructor and started our journey towards another fleet of stairs.

My intellectual self deciphered a different meaning to each of the hurdles I experienced and this is what I learnt from it..

• The rice fields perhaps resembles the place where our soul wanders before we take birth. The steps may be meaning our rocky and shaky growth. The raft is synonymous with the body which marks the start of our adventure called Life.

• We are sent from above with all the goods and bads (the instructor's do's and don'ts). The kind of a life we have depends on what we nurture.

• We are united with people of various backgrounds and cultures (tourists from different countries). The essence is to live in harmony with each other.

• While traversing through life, we may hit numerous highs and lows, it's important to hold on. When stuck in a situation (the rock), all we need to do is try and then bounce back.

• Life loves to give us unexpected twists, sometimes we should simply wait for the right time to act and it will all fall in place (just like I found my paddle).

• We have to enjoy a little impromptu moments (the waterfall). They may be uncomfortable but they add to the memories.

• Slowing down, easing up is as important as the ride. Admiring the silence, the beauty of life (the calm waters and the forest) revives our perspective.

• No matter what you do, who you are with, where you are or who you are helping, always make sure the command of your life is in your hands (I did not completely let go of the raft when my son asked).

• Practicing the attitude of gratitude is the best habit. Continually be thankful for what we have. We never know when our life would slide towards its end and we start towards a new journey (the new flight of stairs).

These are learnings I took from rafting. I look forward to more experiences to help me manoeuvre through the adventure called life. Look closer, you'll find learnings in your adventures too.

CHEERS!!

GOD BLESS!

CHS

The final fall...

 25th June 2024

Today will be a day I will never forget, for today witnessed an artificial calamity and a murder.

Cherith and hubby were going to get his picture clicked for the school diary. He saw his granny coming from the other side and insisted her to join them. He ran behind her inside the gate pestering her and I was standing at the balcony when I heard a thundering crack.

I helplessly saw a tree outside our neighbour's house going downwards. Within seconds it hit the terrace parapet of the house on the opposite side and crushed it after damaging a car outside.

My mother-in-law, husband and cherry ran out to see what came crashing down and were shocked and thankful at the same time. Shocked to see this ages old silver Oak fall like this and grateful that neither they nor anyone else were hurt.

I was flabbergasted after what I had witnessed. I call this an artificial calamity because its our doing. We have caused it. A closer look at the base reveals the absence of roots.

A few years back, the whole area was being concretized and none, absolutely none of us thought or suggested of leaving a little natural space, the mud around the trees so they could continue to receive their nutrition. Without a single drop of water reaching the roots, they dried and died and the tree only stood hollow. It had withstood much heavier winds before today but perhaps today it couldn't bear it any longer and made the final fall.

The sight of that tree made me think how we forget our roots while trying to achieve greater things in life. Without proper nourishment of trust, attention, affection, care and understanding, the foundations of our relationships dry up creating a void that results in a quiet yet fatal crash. The social and societal concrete around us never gives the opportunity to water our roots. It's vital for us to leave personal space, so that the soil of our bonds aren't left thirsty.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when all the people from around started surrounding the long dead tree. Some calling electricity board, some contacting the municipality. 

The old lady who had nurtured this tree came outside, touched it and wept as she saw the twin tree lying lifeless just like she had witnessed the death of her 2 sons. She couldn't see the chaos and quietly went inside.

Now the people standing around were not only planning to clear this tree after ruthlessly cutting it into pieces but also shamelessly planned to get another tree chopped that stood right next to this one.

They argued that this one was soon going to fall and it may hurt someone.

So after tearing the fallen, the men with the electric saw planned on eliminating the second tree that guarded the old lady's house. And within minutes I witnessed the murder right before my eyes. The saw sliced between the tree, at different places, sometimes cutting it's branches, sometimes it's thick trunk. The wood within tempted the workers around while I could feel it's pain as it scattered it's dust clinging on to the thread between life and death.

I felt I had written the falling of that tree and the slaughter of this tree in my poem some time back, like dejavu. That time all I could think of was how beautifully, lovingly nature had created, provided for and flourished for us and how cruelly and carelessly we were reciprocating. And may be that's why nature has been trying new ways to decimate us. The tsunamis, floods, droughts, the epidemics and the unforgiving COVID pandemic demonstrates nature's increasing strength and our growing weakness..

Silently praying for all the souls of nature...

CHS

The Byline...

I finished an amazing read called The Animal Farm by George Orwell and I recommend it to all book lovers and readers.

Not being a spoiler, I want to tell you why I picked this book.

First, It's a cute, quick read. Just a 95 page book. Second, Despite its concise size, it delves into the matters of our lives through animals. Third and most important, it put me in front of a mirror...

You'll know when you read it but let me tell you, I, at many instances felt questioned indirectly for the way we live. The way we forgot what independence actually means.

Being Indians, knowing the stories of our heroes, freedom fighters, we have left behind the spirit with which the fight for independence was carried out. The thoughts and ideologies of those selfless people who laid their lives to see a free country, run by its own people.

A country where people would be entitled to their own produce, enjoy fruits of their labour, where they had a free will, where all would be equal, where no human would harm another, where no one was above or beneath anyone.

The fundamentals that were set during the freedom struggle seem to be unremembered with each generation. Of course we have prospered as a country collectively but we also come across people who work way harder than others and still struggle for basics.

One of the poems in my book Nav-Udit also revolves around the same.

This book has shook my conscience. Makes me ponder upon the reason for our silence. Asks me to look out for the source of resilience and the outcome of it.

It's going to give your inner self a voice, one that resonates with the current scenario, one that questions equality and one that remains prevalent but yet unheard.

It throws light on our true state of affairs and how some of us are blinded, some muzzled and the others handicapped from reminding ourselves and others of actual liberty.

All this meticulously and rightly put in the byline - "All animals are equal. But some animals are More Equal than Others"

CHEERS and GOD BLESS!

CHS

Never said I Love You!

There is a person who has never verbally said I love you to me and three of my siblings but has gone out of his way to prove and show his love for us..

Papa...

He's made sure his children have got a life way better than his. Providing for the family, shelter, education and security; all that is usually done by every father. But I have seen every father trying to give his children things that he never got.

It's generic for fathers to wake up every morning and go to work. It amazes me how they never think of themselves once they become fathers.

No buying clothes when the whole family asks for new clothes, no extra footwear until the one he is using wears to tatters, no demands for special food apart from usual home cooked food, not even going to the doctor for small things but rushing us to the doctor even when we have a cold.

In our world, Papa has showed his endearment towards his eldest daughter by ignoring all the ill people have spoken about her, supporting her silently in the toughest times, never wanting her to become weak..

His fondness for his second daughter is seen in his process of forgiving her naivety and mistakes, trying to keep her in a secure environment away from people who don't deserve her.

His deep affection exudes in his a way of making sure sweets, fruits (especially mangoes) and everything he can think of, reaches his youngest daughter. Also when he shares his emotions and thoughts with her regularly covering up for their physical distance.

His adulation for his only son was evident when he got him the Giant robot, skates, cricket kit and all the things he never said no to.. He takes pride in talking to others about him. Be it his way of getting admission to high school, his choice of college, representing India at an international cricket tournament or even starting a new line of business..

The rare tears he shed at the daughters' weddings, his worry when his son did not come home on time. His concern about his kids when their mother left them. The double responsibility of being a mother and father both to ensure his family stays afloat.. 

Papa has never said 'I love you' to any of us but continues to dote on each one of us despite our shortcomings. He assures we stay bonded and has taught us to value people above all. 

Father's life is nothing less than an inspiring story for his children. He is the university of knowledge, struggle, experience and never ending source of strength and concealed care and blessings..

Here's wishing our Fathers stay healthy and enjoy peace irrespective of the world they are in right now.

What is your father's way of showing love? If you're a father, how do you convey your love to your children?

CHEERS and GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Barfi and Eye.

What an intresting title!!

So yesterday I set out to make coconut barfis for the first time. I started looking at YouTube video references to make coconut barfi while prepping. Seen, understood, I got working. The procedure was followed to the T but in the end, when I mixed the roasted coconut with sugar syrup, it became too dry.

I called out to my mother in law who said sugar syrup was less. So I made more sugar syrup and mixed it. The mixture was still dry but it became too sweet. Then I thought of adding little water as it was already sweet. So I added half a cup water and added the dry mixture little by little.

2 minutes later, the entire mixture was ready, just that this time it was too flowy to set. I nonetheless set them in two plates and waited as instructed by mother in law. After 30 minutes, the mixture had thickened but the barfis still wont cut.

So we grinded more coconut and mixed it with the flowy mixture (in batches). I suggested making laddoos because barfis looked impossible. After making a few, she tried to set a little mixture.

The barfis finally set. I took the rest of the mixture, made the alteration and set it, finally ending the procedure. We ended up making 3 varities from the same mixture - coconut laddoos, dry barfis and chewy barfis while finishing all the stocked up coconuts that my mother in law was worried about. All this took about two and a half hours.

Post lunch I sat with a piece of garment that required sewing skills. I can do normal stitches and hems but this needed me to make eyes for hooks. YouTube to my rescue again and I finished making decent looking eyes. Although 4 were perfect and the other 3 were acceptable, learning something new made me happy. 

2 takeaways from the day that started lazy, boring, gloomy, dull and hazy.

1. While learning and making coconut barfis and the eye, I forgot everything else. I was totally into learning and completing the task at hand. That taught me what 'living in the moment' really meant. We all generally spend so much time thinking about what happened and what would happen..

2. While fixing the barfi mixture, I learned the true value of homemakers. I must confess here that I have (in the past) underestimated rather doubted my worth as a homemaker. But hey, if it wasn't for us, would anything in the family/ home work as efficiently as it does?

We save the money. We save the dishes that would have been wasted. We sew/ mend clothes that would be thrown otherwise. We save the relationships that turn sour/bitter. We save the day! There is no one who can do it all so effortlessly and selflessly..

With the barfis blending sweetness in my thoughts and the eye inspiring me become a learner again there is no scope for self doubt and no need for validation anymore.

Let's be proud of who we are and what we do. We are the invisible spines of all households, we can continue to be unseen while never forgetting our significance..

CHEERS & GOD BLESS!!

CHS

My Quiet Affair...

 

How does it feel to have your dream come true? Or should I say one of your dreams?? 

So it's been 5 days since my book has been listed for sale online.. Why hadn't I written about it earlier?

Well I was elated, excited, nervous, anxious, hopeful, on top of the world all at once.. So much so that I simply posted the Amazon link with my friends and family without any supporting text announcing my book release...

It was a haphazard decision but I couldn't keep from doing it.. I had been wanting it for years.. working on it for months, waiting for it for since weeks and when it finally happened, I dint know how to react..!

After the announcement, I had received many likes but very few people connected with me conveying their happiness and pride in my little achievement.. These are the people I have earned and I'm immensely grateful. 🙏

Honestly, keeping this as a surprise was a task. But I had to do it to see how my dear ones reacted. "How will it be received?" I asked hubby often and he replied "You do your deeds and leave the result". He was being diplomatic about his excitement too, I know that.

I was joyous after the release and while receiving the love and a few hours later, it all seemed to die down.

I was happy of putting my passion and my heart out there but I wasn't sure how it would be recieved. Would I be able to connect people, would anyone other than the people I know bother to pick my book and read it?

I was mentally questioning and answering myself about how the book will do. Not focusing on the present, looking at the future.

I felt hollow and lost. Is that how people who achieve success felt?

Why did the fulfillment of my long lost dream feel nothing more than a stepping stone to something higher, more valueable?

It took some distraction, some soothing music and me being me after which I let go of all the apprehensions and accepted that I have done my bit and now I have to wait...

Hubby however made sure we celebrated a little and I guess now it's all sinking in... 

I fully realize that manifestation can get you or make you get what you desire and deserve. I am extremely grateful to you for being a part of my journey, for being my reader, critic, supporter, encourager, inspire and the subject of my stories.  

It is because of God, my parents and you that my Quiet Affair with writing has blown to this proportion and the world knows about it now.. Thank you seems so so small.. 

Please do spread the word, share the love, read and review my book. I'd love comments from each one of you...

Eagerly awaiting.. (to hold my own copy...)

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

No shame..

One of hubby's relative had observed Gangaur fast this year. We along with many other women were invited to take part in the pooja.

After Pooja, it was lunch time and as usual we women directed ourselves to the kitchen. Being around the stove for too long, the heat was taking a toll on me. So I decided to sit down and roll puris instead.

Just as me and my sister in law started, a cute little girl walked up to us and asked for the dough ball. I asked her why she wanted it, she said I want to make puris. Her grandmother and mother looked at her in awe, praising her as she sat next to me to roll puris with a rolling pin that was way bigger than her 2 year old hands.

I wondered, why wasn't there any boy walking up to us and say I want to make puris? What made this cutie leave her playmates and come to us? I looked around and knew just why.

The kitchen was filled with ladies except for just 2 men who served the other men who were having lunch.

From chopping to frying, kneading dough to making puris, heating curries, setting plates and even picking up dishes after eating, everything was being managed by women. The men came, sat, joked, laughed, ate, washed their hands and had a great time. 

We had to be content meeting each other, talking in the kitchen and getting some time out while we ate and our mother in laws served.

It's not the boys fault to think that kitchen is not their place to be when there are literally no men in the kitchen at such occasions. 

Cherith usually asks me, why do you always say I have to cook food, make chapatis, I have to wash the dishes, clean the kitchen, I have to wash/ dry/ fold clothes, press them;  whenever I ask you to play? You are always busy, you never play with me, he complains.

He is right I used to think but now I realize he is half right. Everything's not my job after all, but do I let others do it?

So since yesterday I agreed to play with him, if he helped me with 'my work'. The sooner I finish, more play time we have. Voila! Playtime is his motivation to offer to help me.

Why blame the men always? We women are the ones who say, please don't bother, I'll do it. We not only go out of our ways, but sometimes even push our limits as we continue to carry out our daily duties irrespective of the time, going against our will and even ignoring our health many times.

I agree that we have been conditioned to be hands on, not only for our children but for everyone in the family. But now is the time to change that. I confess that I never asked hubby to help me in the kitchen, I'd serve hot food to everyone first and sit down to eat in the end, getting up every time I had to fetch something.

Now, that has changed. I call out for him or cherry and ask them to pass on anything that I forget to take. Why am I not entitled to have a peaceful meal after working for hours?

Let's not be ashamed to communicate that basic life skills have no gender. Cooking, doing dishes and laundry, cleaning the house, driving, taking care of elderly and children; none of these are gender particular roles. It's time for us women to become shameless and change the thought without the guilt of who thinks what. 

I have no shame in letting my husband make his tea or dry his towel. I have no shame in letting cherith wash his clothes or his plate after eating. I have no shame in asking for help when I need it.

I have no shame in trying my best to make him a person that doesn't depend on others for food, laundry or cleaning when he grows up..

GOD BLESS!!

CHEERS!

Question-pedia...

I take pride in being who I am and the place that I come from but I also acknowledge and realize that my ancestors had bizzare practices and traditions that they followed and passed on.

While none of their successors seemed to have a problem with that, they never even questioned their validity or relevance.

I recollect how I used to question maa about little things I found different while I grew up and she used to shut me up saying "That's how it is" to which I countered "But why?" and she said "We were told to do so and we did" "But why dint you ever question?" "We din't think about things, just did as we were told. Now stop asking me because I have no answers."

I was unhappy to be left with unanswered questions but I was furious about the unexplained practices more.

For example, women touching feet of their husband's sister (irrespective of their age difference). I always believe those who are younger take blessings from elders.

Women comparing their life to that of their daughter in laws. Mostly referring to their sacrifices, stringent lifestyles they lived and conveniently demeaning every single effort the so called new generation girls make.

The tradition of giving money, gifts to daughters, every single time. I used to have verbal tussles with maa regarding the same. Not just the daughters, their husband's and their families without expecting anything in return and still always falling short of something. Is it in the first place, their duty? Or do they simply get their daughter married an adopt the entire family?

Son in law's being treated as guests, greeted with folded hands, considered a prince from la la land, served hot food while daughter in laws are just free maids who don't deserve to even eat with the other members. Forget hot meals, equal status and good behaviour.

Having a child (preferably a boy) is the top most priority of a girl after marriage. Isn't that a personal decision to make? Isn't it shamelessly barging into someone's privacy?

Is it that none of your ideas, words or deeds matter throughout your life? Is it that if you're a daughter or a daughter's parents everything valueable about you vanishes?

Why is it that parents of girls are treated lesser while they should be worshipped for keeping the balance in the society..? Imagine one without girls...

I'm not being biased about girls. Boys are subject to a silent yet overpowering discrimination. Boys never get an equal and safe space to emote. Why are they called girls if they cry? Why can't they be vulnerable and fragile?

Why do widows have to give up colours, mehendi, certain jewelry and being a part of important occasions? Why is she taken to mean inauspicious because her husband died before her? I hate to see my mother in law standing behind when she pushes us ahead to take part in weddings, poojas or such other ceremonies.

Wives helping their husbands in business are mostly not welcome. I heard someone say "We won't eat from the money women earn". Does that make them less of a man?

Many would ask me to shut up but I have started questioning just yet.. Call me a torture or a question-pedia. But the fact is, we are rebels if we question and are we logically alive if we don't..?

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Make a difference..

I encountered a woman (I would not like to name) a few days back who gave me a glimpse of why exactly I dislike somethings about us as a society.

She said "A daughter's mother is the one who will touch the feet of her son-in-law's mother, not the other way round. The one who marries her daughter will always be inferior" and I lost track of what she said next because I couldn't take my mind of her preposterous declaration!

I already always hated seeing my mother touch my mother-in-law's feet (with no offense to her) despite maa being more than 6 years elder to her.

I'd have been fine if they just greeted each other. I'd have loved it for my mother-in-law to stop maa from doing so at the very first instance. I would have been elated to see them hug each other instead as equals.

While I got snapped out of my over expectation within seconds, I was angry about what this woman in question actually thinks about everyone who has a daughter..

I have been the receiver of critisism myself for being a daughter, I have heard things about do's and don't to be followed by a girl's parents. I've always loathed such conversations where the one who produced a male thinks that just That, makes them superior to the one who produced a female.

How in the world would one explain that??

Daughters are not and never were a liability. I know that's how we were taken to be, I know our grandparents were not happy when we were born but they grew to love us nevertheless because that's what we deserve.

As I write this, I go back to the day when my brother and bhabhi gave us a beautiful daughter. I can not forget the happiness on Maa's face. She ran into the kitchen pulled out a plate and rolling pin from the drawers and started hitting the rolling pin on the plate. This is only done when a boy is born, but she dint care. She was ecstatic and she wanted to show it to the world.

I also recollect how my parents got sweet hampers made for close ones and laddoos for everyone else to be circulated to celebrate the birth of their granddaughter.. 

Your importance has nothing to do with the gender of the child you give birth to. There still exist practices, ideologies and habits that are not just backward but sickening. I could go on and on about them.

For now, I want to keep these emotions and memories with me and pass them on to you. Making a difference starts with us from home.

Cheers!

God bless!!

CHS

Beware...

I watched a movie called Lapata Ladies yesterday.. While I absolutely loved the movie, I strongly recommend some people don't watch it...

You'd be in for great disappointment if you 

• Feel that Fraud is when you are robbed off of only your belongings by means of cheating. (no weightage given to your ideas, opinions, intellect or ambitions)
• Look at girls/ women to be ideal (the nice girl type set by the society)
• Feel that not everyone has a right to dream. (However talented or passionate they are)
• Believe marrying a girl (sister/daughter) is parents' sole duty towards her, and gets over once she is wedded.
• Are a man and think you can treat a lady whatever way you please, negating what she says, feels or thinks of you.
• Assess the value of a woman by the amount of dowry she has got, without that, what value has she even got?
• Support/never oppose veils that not only hides a woman's face but her identity too.
• Are of the opinion that a girl can not do anything on her own, she always needs support from men.
• Are convinced that women married in the same house can be anything but friends.
• Live with the idea that every women needs to be a superwoman, doing great things, managing it all. (Their likes and dislikes going unnoticed, as if they never existed which she actually forgets while getting used to putting other's needs and likes before hers)
• Think a movie without big actors, with a simple but profound subject striking the right cords would not be worth watching in a theatre.

If you checked any of the above points, beware, this one's not for you, period!

P.S : Breaking stereotypes is one thing and attacking them with just the correct proof, shaking the very existence of a setup that has always been accepted as normal is what this movie does.

 

I'm just trying to protect the great ideology you have nurtured throughout your life which will be threatened if you watch this one.

Cheers!!