Wedding season has started and we are all thrilled and excited to get 3 of our family members married..
The first wedding is on 4th of December and the celebrations started two days earlier. Everything seemed in place, the people, the food, the happiness and the mood. But I felt bits of me scattered in different places..
While I am supremely happy for my baby to have found his "The one and only", I'm terrible missing "The one and only" of our lives - Maa..
We have never known weddings or celebrations without her. Her energy, her laughter, her irritation to apply mehendi, her being on toes to help, her singing geet, her performing traditions, her way of doting daughters and playfully welcoming son-in - laws, her adoration for daughter-in-laws, her hospitality and her dance.. Her saying, don't worry, I'm here. In short, her presence everywhere...
Above all, her presence right next to papa...
We all shed a tear or two remembering her but there are lot more layers to just that external show of our reminiscence of her..
Papa and bhai's silence, her daughters heavy voices, her beloved daughter in laws eyes, the groom's mother missing her guide for the wedding and many many of us who think and talk about what she'd have done here and how she'd have enjoyed that...
I saw bhabhi getting points to remember and things to pack for the wedding from her mom and I wondered who will guide us when it will be our turn...
Anyhow, this is the last wedding of this year, the last show of the year but bitterly the first of the many that we will have to celebrate without her..
I din't know how to deal with this emptiness before but now I don't want to anymore. There is a vacuum but she has flawlessly earned a place that can never be replaced or refilled. So I'm at peace with it now.
Im sure she is with us, looking at us, celebrating with us, cheering us on to chin up and do our best in everything. Please Stay with us in spirits..
Immensely missing the purest soul..
Love you Maa...
