Connect..

If you have been married, you know what I am talking about. And if you are going to be married, some do's and don'ts for you follow.

Marriage is beautiful I agree, but being married.... I have no words. It is a mixture of varying emotions mostly unexpressed.

This is more from my point of view as a home maker in an unknown home.

We spend the first few months/years understanding every soul. We do everything for them, from cooking to laundry, from shopping to organizing, from giving birth to parenting. Eventually, we are so engrossed in the routine that we make these things a part of our lifestyle. We habituate ourselves into doing other jobs and feel a sense of compliance to just go on.

Imagine a few days out of home, what do we see when we come back? We see the next couple of days cleaning and organizing the mess made in our absence.

Why can't things be the way we left them? Why can't people take charge of chores in our absence? Why is there something (that was our job) always left to do?

Husbands; they know our importance but never acknowledge it until we are around or something happens to us. They do not take time out usually while we wait for them to return from work every single day. They think we are supposed to do what we are doing while the truth is, we are doing way more than our capacity just to keep things going smoothly for the rest of the family.

When a girl marries into a house, she should be added just like any other person in the family. Why should she be treated as the sole reponsible soul for the chores that are everybody's job?

Why does it create chaos when she is unwell? Why does it upset others when she doesn't want to cook one day? Or wants to take a break? Why is she expected to keep everything in place especially when she is not the one creating the mess? Why does she have to encountered rude, cold behaviours when she wishes to go out?

I somehow feel that the definition - Sundar, sushil, sukanya for marriage was created to weigh down the dreams of every girl. Traditions turn into shackles that chain her freedom. To define what she should be like instead of how she actually is. Her voice suppressed in the name of honour, her dreams shunned to fuel their pride.

I sadly say this but no girl is ever the same as she used to be. Many times she loses her individual identity to fit in or is made to do so.

You may say that things have changed now, there is equality and freedom of expression. Let me remind you that are reffering to those few thousand upgraded homes while I am talking about those millions of other households (irrespective of religion/caste) that exist in every corner of this country.

I agree that marriage is a huge transition in one's life, be it a girl or a boy. But why in the name of marriage change the basics of our human nature? Why can't we remain funny and loud? Why can't you show some sensitivity and love? Why can't there be choices made without confrontations? Why can't respect, understanding and support be the pillars of our homes?

To the husbands reading this..

We understand you work all day to provide for us but you have to understand that all we want is your companionship in every situation. We do not like to be reminded that our existence in your homes is for mere fulfilment of responsibilities that you think are ours!

We are expected to take care of everyone in the family irrespective of their behaviour or thoughts about us, aren't we entitled to soem care for ourselves? We are expected to give up our likes and accept things we dislike just to please others while experiencing discomfort ourselves.

The bindi, the mangalsutra, the bangles, the anklets become means of keeping us reminded that we are someone's wife and daughter in law, our role as daughters being conveniently forgotten.

It's not about the holidays that you take your wives to, it's about those few minutes you spend with them every day. Just asking 'how was the day? How do you feel?' is what she quietly wishes for.

Its about you taking a stand for them when they are surrounded by questioning eyes. I am not saying everyone is or will be successful, I am not saying every decision is right. But when you say 'I'm with you', they will damn sure make it a point not to harm the sanctity of the house. That will give them true security, that will charge them up with the challenges of the next day.

So whether you do anything else for them or not, please don't bond her try to connect with her!

Looking towards a better ambience...

GOD BLESS!!

CHS