I have always told you about the good things in my life. Here's giving you an insight of some self depreciating issues I have to handle.. Me and self depreciating? Is that even true??
So I am independent in many ways, I can take my decisions, I can make choices for Cherith, I don't rely on people to pick me from or drop me to some place. (Sometimes I like it if someone does it but it's not that I can not manage alone) But I fail to fulfil the basic criteria of independence - finance.
Being a daughter and wife in the rajasthani household, I have always been dependant on either papa or hubby to fulfil financial needs. Even after wedding, parents have been showering with some financial love (Pehla sharavan, gift for Rakhi, birth of cherith, siblings wedding return gift, holiday, tapasya, their reasons never end)
Honestly I am bitter towards these traditions that make a daughter feel financially vulnerable even after marriage. But parents never listen! They also end up giving money to Cherith for his birthday or when he goes home to stay with nani's family. More chances of futile arguments for me.
On the other hand, although I have saved a little something every now and then, I have used majority of (so called) my finances to cater to our daily needs. Clothes, footwear, (excessively for hubby and Cherith) essentials.
Coming to the equation with hubby. He says he earns for us which I think is partially true. Of course he provides for us, but we are a joint family and he can never really spend according to his likes. (Need for information sharing and approval hinders desision making many times).
So he takes care of the basics along with cherith's school expenses. Medical expenses include themselves without asking. But here's the thing, I never feel complete security in terms of finances.
Like if I was in need of finances to do something for me/ hubby/ cherith, I am dependant. And it's very very stupid to ask your hubby to pay the birthday or anniversary surprise you are planning for him.
Also sometimes its hurtful (more shameful) when I have to ask him. I'm a strong headed girl that way but I am sensitive too. And it is more insulting when he ignores what I'm thinking or saying (in terms of money)
I mean sometimes I just want to tell him that I have known a person called 'Father' who slogged all his life to make life comfortable for his wife and 4 children. We weren't living in a house that had a tree that shed notes every morning. So I know the hardwork needed and I know the value of money. But chances are that I am misunderstood, so I don't bother with the explanation.
Moreso, I don't understand how I can think of whatever my hubby earns as mine? What he earns is his and he will have a say in how to use it. You'd say "It's your right!" but I never come to terms with that statement.
I remember Chetan once saying that no matter how much we work, the amount of energy, dedication and the sheer amount of effort a lady takes to be a homemaker can not be measured. They literally take care of every little and big thing. If we could put it in monetary terms, we could never pay them enough.
I know I know, blessed to have a brother who thinks that way, but do all men think that way? Half the men don't even acknowledge the presence of homemakers. Supporting them is out of question.
So irrespective of a girl being single, married, young or old, I feel financial independence is what all of us should try to achieve. Financial crisis is something we should never face (mostly in our heads).
Imagine the feeling of eating pani puri with the money you have earned. Or even buy your favourite bag or buy a gift for your spouse or child (if you earn a little more) or send your parents on a vacation (if you income fills balance sheets and you are eligible to pay taxes; meaning your finances are rocking)
Coming back to reality, I'm trying to find some work for myself (apart from the one I'm doing 24/7 already). The hunt is on but its not to prove anything to anyone. Its just to be more productive and extra happy for myself along with the other good things God has blessed me with.
How I wish I should've started way before. May be after college or even after cherith was a manageable child. But, better late than never.
Wish me luck!
CHEERS!!
GOD BLESS!
CHS
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