Seeking parents' permission for a sleepover/ school trip. Convincing Papa that the guy you love is right for you. Telling your boyfriend / girlfriend that it's not working. Explaining children why we need to hide certain things from others while we expect them to be honest with us. Having talks with teens, explaining the phenomena of harmonal changes, answering bizzare questions.
I lost my maternal grandmother (nani) yesterday. After a while of remembering, missing and crying in her memory, I came to my senses and called my mother.
She was on the other side and I did not know what to tell her. I wept as she cried and spoke about nani at the same time. I hung up after 2 minutes, still without saying a word. This for me, this talk is the most difficult one.
It took me back to the time when my father in law had left us. It was Raksha Bandhan and I was home to celebrate. Parents in law had left to Rajasthan that morning. I got the news, sped back home and when I reached, hubby was busy making arrangements for all of us to go for the last rites.
We travelled to the airport, landed in jaipur after midnight and took cars from there to our village. We sat beside each other throughout but I did not talk to him. I did know what to tell him.
I couldn't bring myself to stand close to him while he broke down after such a huge loss. I did not know if I could be his pillar who'd transfer strength or a partner who'd cry with him.
I must confess that I am old enough, have seen few deaths in the family, have seen people loose loved ones. But I haven't learned how to talk to the kin.
What should I tell them? Everything will be okay? ( Is that what they want to hear that time?) Stay strong, there are others you have to look after? (Does that mean he / she isn't entitled to grieve?)
This also makes me ponder.. There are different ways in which we all grieve. I remember a dear one in college had lost his grandmother. He simply called me and said 'Nani nahi rahe' and hung up. I did not know her personally, yet I had tears after hearing that.
I have seen many screaming and shouting for the departed one to come back but they don't. There are others who simply sit quiet and avoid eating, talking or even looking at anyone. There are those who muster the courage to look after everyone around.
You can not explain grief just like you can not explain love. You don't have a way of grieving just like you don't have a way of loving. So I guess, Grief is very personal just like Love. It has different meanings, reactions and outcomes for each and every one of us.
I can not pray that I never be in a position to do The Tough Talk, I know I will have to. I am still learning and I hope I am capable of extending my hand, doing the needful for my dear ones in such tricky times of need. I hope you be blessed with courage too.
May my nani find peace and happiness with Nanu up there... May our departed ones bless us from above.
GOD BLESS !!
CHS
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