Unequilibrium...

Equilibrium means a state of balance, especially between forces or influences that are working in opposite ways.

There is one thing in our society that is meant to be an equilibrium - marriage. The forces here are working in the same direction. However, the mindset and thoughts of two people does vary so to some extent the last bit of the definition does hold true.

Let's take marriage to be a cycle. Ideally the two partners should be like the two tires, always supporting each other irrespective of who is ahead and who is behind. But does that really happen?

As soon the pomp and pamper of wedding is over, in a month or two when the newly wed bride settles into the new family, she is told how to take care of the house.

So she cooks, manages chores, takes care of the new parents, family. After some time, she is expected to expect. So the child/ children arrive. She feeds them and cares for them. They grow up and its her job to discipline them, cater to their needs and also give them lessons on how to do things on their own.

She is a cook, laundry person, caretaker, manager who promotes to becoming a doctor, nanny, playmate, teacher when children are born.

When everything is a wife's responsibility and all the husband has to do is earn, I clearly see a huge imbalance in the equilibrium.

You may say that earning is not easy. Well everything needs effort, so just like earning needs effort, the tasks of the female require way more effort than agreed upon.

That's why I call marriage an Unequilibrium!

I had said the two tires should represent the spouses. But in truth I feel, mostly the husband is the handle that leads the direction while the wife has to not only follow but also take the weight of responsibility, face the roadblocks and get bruised by the stones on the way.

No matter how balanced you are as a couple in the beginning, the imbalance creeps in so quietly that for a long time, it only remains in the feeling of the other spouse.

I am not blaming the husband here, its the mindset that we are all brought up with which is to be blamed. Ladki sab sambhaal legi. What happens to the vows of equality exchanged during the ceremony?

Why is taking care of the husband's parents, solely the duty of a wife when it's not same with the wife's parents?

Why do women have to seek permission, make arrangements and go out of home when men can go and come back without worrying about petty chores.?

Why does only a mother have to be hands on and always available for the kids when actually they are co - produced by two people?

Why is a mother blamed for a kid's bad behaviour or low knowledge when everyone in the home can be a part of his or her learning process (be it education, sports or values)?

What start with small adjustments, keeps growing until finally they become compromises. These further lead to women giving up their hobbies, favourite things to do, places to go to and even food they love to eat. Don't be amazed, it is the truth of innumerable households.

How many times have we come across these things with regards to men?

I agree marriage brings changes in everyone's life but expecting only the female to adjust, change, move on, forgive, forget and continue dutifully unfairly takes away her right to basic freedom.

With life becoming a routine, she feels all that is left of her life is the role she plays and not who she really is. Believe me, this converts her responsibilities to a burden that suffocates her existence. In fact, I see an unequilibrium in the parenting of a girl and boy too. Where girls are denied freedom to work or take up a particular profession just because she may not be allowed to continue post Shaadi.

What can you do?

Female : Be yourself. Don't worry about people liking you, there are always people who will judge and blame you.

Speak your mind. Silence will never help you unburden.

Take it up. How many times have you liked something and then kept it back just because you thought, iski zarurat nahi.

Priotize. Give yourself the importance you need. Ignorance is hazardous to happiness.

Male : Do not forget that your spouse has left her world behind just to be with you. 

Make things easy for her. In today's modern world too, there are people who only live to make other's lives difficult.

Comfort her, Often, she goes out of her way to make others comfortable while being uncomfortable herself.

Sole time. No wonder she will enjoy time with family and kids but nothing can equate the joy of you making efforts of spending time just with her.

These simple things will strengthen her and your bond. With transparent communication, understanding, compassion and trust life can be equally beautiful for both of you.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS.