Revisiting...

I got a chance to revesit history, re-experience it rather.

When? Yesterday.

Where? In a theatre.

How? While watching 83.

I won't spoil the fun for those who haven't watched it. I think every person in India, irrespective of their age should watch it. It is an absolute must watch!

So, the movie starts with a nail biting sequence which takes us back to the a few months ago.

It takes some madness to achieve something huge. 

Being him me is a trait History is not created by fluke or luck, it takes will power, determination, team effort and supoort and above all, belief.

There is no need for us to Answer all questions raised, some times doing us more effective than saying or telling.

Unequilibrium...

Equilibrium means a state of balance, especially between forces or influences that are working in opposite ways.

There is one thing in our society that is meant to be an equilibrium - marriage. The forces here are working in the same direction. However, the mindset and thoughts of two people does vary so to some extent the last bit of the definition does hold true.

Let's take marriage to be a cycle. Ideally the two partners should be like the two tires, always supporting each other irrespective of who is ahead and who is behind. But does that really happen?

As soon the pomp and pamper of wedding is over, in a month or two when the newly wed bride settles into the new family, she is told how to take care of the house.

So she cooks, manages chores, takes care of the new parents, family. After some time, she is expected to expect. So the child/ children arrive. She feeds them and cares for them. They grow up and its her job to discipline them, cater to their needs and also give them lessons on how to do things on their own.

She is a cook, laundry person, caretaker, manager who promotes to becoming a doctor, nanny, playmate, teacher when children are born.

When everything is a wife's responsibility and all the husband has to do is earn, I clearly see a huge imbalance in the equilibrium.

You may say that earning is not easy. Well everything needs effort, so just like earning needs effort, the tasks of the female require way more effort than agreed upon.

That's why I call marriage an Unequilibrium!

I had said the two tires should represent the spouses. But in truth I feel, mostly the husband is the handle that leads the direction while the wife has to not only follow but also take the weight of responsibility, face the roadblocks and get bruised by the stones on the way.

No matter how balanced you are as a couple in the beginning, the imbalance creeps in so quietly that for a long time, it only remains in the feeling of the other spouse.

I am not blaming the husband here, its the mindset that we are all brought up with which is to be blamed. Ladki sab sambhaal legi. What happens to the vows of equality exchanged during the ceremony?

Why is taking care of the husband's parents, solely the duty of a wife when it's not same with the wife's parents?

Why do women have to seek permission, make arrangements and go out of home when men can go and come back without worrying about petty chores.?

Why does only a mother have to be hands on and always available for the kids when actually they are co - produced by two people?

Why is a mother blamed for a kid's bad behaviour or low knowledge when everyone in the home can be a part of his or her learning process (be it education, sports or values)?

What start with small adjustments, keeps growing until finally they become compromises. These further lead to women giving up their hobbies, favourite things to do, places to go to and even food they love to eat. Don't be amazed, it is the truth of innumerable households.

How many times have we come across these things with regards to men?

I agree marriage brings changes in everyone's life but expecting only the female to adjust, change, move on, forgive, forget and continue dutifully unfairly takes away her right to basic freedom.

With life becoming a routine, she feels all that is left of her life is the role she plays and not who she really is. Believe me, this converts her responsibilities to a burden that suffocates her existence. In fact, I see an unequilibrium in the parenting of a girl and boy too. Where girls are denied freedom to work or take up a particular profession just because she may not be allowed to continue post Shaadi.

What can you do?

Female : Be yourself. Don't worry about people liking you, there are always people who will judge and blame you.

Speak your mind. Silence will never help you unburden.

Take it up. How many times have you liked something and then kept it back just because you thought, iski zarurat nahi.

Priotize. Give yourself the importance you need. Ignorance is hazardous to happiness.

Male : Do not forget that your spouse has left her world behind just to be with you. 

Make things easy for her. In today's modern world too, there are people who only live to make other's lives difficult.

Comfort her, Often, she goes out of her way to make others comfortable while being uncomfortable herself.

Sole time. No wonder she will enjoy time with family and kids but nothing can equate the joy of you making efforts of spending time just with her.

These simple things will strengthen her and your bond. With transparent communication, understanding, compassion and trust life can be equally beautiful for both of you.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS.

PDA...

Wedding season has just got over and I had three weddings lined up from end of November to quarter of December.

Weddings do contribute to chaos and clutter at home with frequent dressing up, attending functions, getting back home, changing and going for the next function. They also bring you close to family, helps you catch up with relatives and gets you closer to good food. 😋

The most important thing in weddings these days is the look. The look which is captured by our baes (our phones). Pictures take away so much time of weddings that we may miss out catching up on food and a some friendly gupshup.

Everyone wants to get clicked. Solo, couple, with kids, family, with cousins, friends, with the newlyweds, with the floral decoration, with the antiques, with the fountain, with the car, the list doesn't stop.....

I am a big spoiler when it comes to pictures, but I do love taking pictures. Still, a snap or two throughout the entire evening are always welcome.

Remember my first point in Spousy Treat? It was about hubby being shy. He doesn't talk to me much when people are around. He also goes absconding when I ask him for pictures with me.

I get excited about weddings mainly thinking that I would get time to spend with him, I can sit with him and listen to music in the car, can have food with him, click one or two pictures, steal glances on him when he is talking to others, dedicate songs and see if he can guess its from me.. 

All of which happens... (only in my head) It turns out to be the complete opposite in reality. The wedding ends up piling on to the physical exhaustion with emotional weariness.

Adding on is PDA by couples - married, unmarried and those that have spent years together making me adamant for PDA too.

My PDA here refers to 'Publically Attention Do'. I do hereby confess that I crave for attention from hubby when in public. I just want him to share few moments with me when outside home.

I do not want him to go on his knees and profess love. Not to hold hands if he doesn't want to. Neither would I want him to do anything thag makes him uncomfortable in public.

Click a picture, share a small talk, enjoy songs being played in the background, admire the surroundings, enjoy good food together. I want him to compliment me sometimes. It would be encouraging to hear a few good words about my parenting, about the way I do my bit at home. All of this to be between just the two of us in a crowd of hundreds.

Sometimes I feel its not something I should expect, I simply have to continue doing what I do. But aren't we all humans? A little bit of Positive Attention (I mention Positive because I do end up getting negative attention from the rest of the family often) can boost up a gloomy day and charge us up for the better.

So a bit of positivity, an assuring smile, some uplifting words would do no harm to his image or mine. This is my PDA. I do deserve it too.

P. S

Hubby, I know you're hesitant and shy but I will not give up either. I will continue andolan "Publicly Do Attention" ✊ till the time death do us apart.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Spousy Treat...

How many of us have seen a totally different person in our spouse post marriage? 

Count me in too✋...

Its been more than 8 years since our marriage and as I mentioned earlier, we were together in college so that makes a total of 15 years of knowing each other but I realised I barely knew him after wedding.

The first thing I noticed in my husband after wedding is that he is super shy. So much so that he barely spoke to me for years in front of his family members (apart from, roti le aao, chai rakh do, of course). I can say he has come half from being shy, does talk to me about cherith and our family in front of everyone but still a long way to go..

2nd, he was secretive, like very very secretive... He did not share anything with me and I did not keep anything from him.. He is like my everyday log book and I am his invisible partner (when it comes to share things in his mind). Work-in-progress here too...

3rd, he has a very witty and wicked sense of humour. I did always want someone who could make me laugh but hubby makes eveyone guffaw (subject of the joke; usually me 🙄) No further comments.

4th, despite being the youngest son at home, he is very responsible. He takes it onto him when things don't go right and tries his best so everyone around is happy. Rare quality in a world where everyone cares for self happiness.

5th he is equally carefree. Point 4 and 5 do sound like an oxymoron. You'd ask, How can someone be responsible and carefree at the same time?? Well, he is the best example. 

He does things the way they should be done but doesn't bother much with minute details like kisne kya socha, kya bola, how will someone react. Basically he carries out his task with determination and avoids drama completely. I, on the other hand used to take every little things way to seriously but this attitude of his has helped me calm down and be happy with little somethings that go unnoticed. 

6th, he is a silencer.. Stop wondering, here's the explanation. This is not just concerning me, but everyone he talks to. You can talk about something all you want but when he opens his mouth, he will say just one thing and the discussion is over. He says it so simply yet so sternly that opposition has to rest its case.

7th, he is a smart altruist. He keeps others before himself, cares for people but never expresses it and does things for them quietly. However, he is also smart enough not to be used, being pushed around or taken for granted.

Can I go on? Yes, but I'd love to enlighten you about other attributes of him in future..

Some of the discoveries were pleasant surprises while others were rather shocking and disappointing.. I do acknowledge that He is my Spousy Treat.. 

I may be on the same page with him sometimes and many other times I would be in a different boat altogether. But I do enjoy his company in each and every way, irrespective of me conveying it or even if I say the complete opposite...

CHEERS! 

GOD BLESS!! 

CHS