Day 6 was a challenge at the next level. I got up in the morning to get ready, mummy had said we shall go to the sthanak for 6 ka pratyakhyan.
Before I got ready, I got my periods and I was starting to wonder how I would overcome this physical challenge. I got ready anyway and went up to tell mummy.
She was boiling water for me while saying "First tap Athai nahi hogi, 9 karna hoga. Kar sakoge toh main sabko call karu, geet rakhungi, khana rakhungi" I simply nodded and told her that I could not go to the sthanak. I also told her that I was doing it for myself and did not want any pomp and celebration for it. She seemed somewhat excited about it and did not budge (just as I did not 2 days back).
I gave up and focused on the day ahead. I must say it was the most difficult of all days. With no energy, no work to do, no cherry around to play fool with, I literally dragged myself through the day before puking at dusk.
When Mummy came down to check on me and saw me slumped, she asked "saata hai?" "Pith ho gaye mummy" I said in a meakly voice. "Dekho, subah tabiyat theek na lage toh Paarna kar lena, shareer zaruri hai, tap nahi" she said. I did not want to discontinue but those words worked like an ointment on my wound.
Days 7 and 8 passed as if they were usual days and day 9 was the last day of my fast. Mummy was adamant I get mehndi applied. Relatives who stayed nearby dropped to know how I was doing, mummy was on phone all day. Calls were being made to invite friends and family for a small function and bhakti.
I was immensely happy that Lord gave me strength to finish it and I could see hubby, papa, mom and mummy swell with pride when we went for Pachkaan.
Cherith was taken care of by hubby and mummy during my tap and later by family after parna. No one let him come to me with any issue. Hubby had my back throughout the 9 days, checking on me whenever he came home, getting me water, ceremoniously rubbing nilgiri oil on my feet to prevent my feet from freezing. He dint mind my tumbling in the bed all night and kept me in good spirits all along.
Tarunji would make sure he spent an hour or two with me. We would talk, he would get tips from his mom to keep me in good health and help me get through the long hours of the day. Mummy made sure cherith was fed and she did not mind his tantrums while I was fasting.
My family was away from me but kept calling and asking, I also know all of them prayed for me too.
Above all, Shanti gurudev's grace, his blessings and his bhajans helped my boat sail through despite the obstacles.
I was to take a medicinal bite on the day of my parna at parents' home. After a thanksgiving to Mata Padmavati on day 10 for her blessings and strength, we headed to basavangudi where my lovely family made me feel extra special with a heartwarming welcome and beautiful decoration just for me. We had a few pictures clicked which are now forever memories.
Going through the next few days was a task too. It seemed like the Lord had taken away his divine energy so that I could muster my own strength here on. I was on liquid diet for a couple fo days followed by semi solid food. And mom gave me roti only after day 4.
My feet were wobbly, I felt chills, I disliked taking any liquid or food but was very thirsty, I would cuddle myself in the sofa all day and the tumbling in the night continued.
It may have been a big tap, challenging one, but I kept thinking about those who had fasted for more days, about those who barely managed to get one meal a day in normal circumstances and about our Tirthankars and saints who had gone through way more difficult rather torturous impediments with an inexplicable serenity.
It's been a few months now. The entire experience had such a calmingly magical effect on me.. I realized how it was to go without food. I learnt that anger and haughtiness did not really improve quality of life.
Care, love, Compassion and inner peace is all that we should strive for...
It was my will but I did not know that it truly had the power to eventuate. I seem to amaze myself with unnatural willpower sometimes..
And now the words that resonated in my head throughout my tap and continue to help me move ahead with positivity - "Tere haathon mein guru meri dor, tu Jaane tera kaam Jaane...."
Just like the way I surrendered to Gurudev and he continues to shield me, I hope you find a force that fortifies you too...
Cheers
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