Day 3...
It was a Sunday and I had told mummy I will come to the sthanak. She prepared for my Paarna again and left early and hubby, me and Cherith headed to Ganesh Bagh later.
After vyakhyan, it was time for pratyakhyan and without a thought I simply got up and vowed for tela. I can go through today, kal ka kal dekhenge I thought.
When I met mummy after the sermon and she asked me if I had eaten, I refused and she asked why, worriedly. I simply smiled and said I'm fine.
My brother also had tela that day, he was giving me company. While mom would call in a few hours and ask if I was fine, bhabhi really gave me strength when she said "May lord help you achieve what you have in mind". Sometimes, the most simple words are capable of transferring a lot of positive energy...
Mummy however, gave me a good talk about the how I have work, cherry's classes and finally reminded me that corona is still not over when she saw I dint budge. "Jitna kiya uthna bas hai" she tried to convince me..
Hubby also said that it's better to stop at tela. I told him that all I wanted was his support. Honestly, I had no clue how far I could go.
Next morning was again the same but I dint feel like eating anything so I continued on day 4. While I was getting through the day okay, bhai's health spoilt and I got to know about it only in the late afternoon.
I was worriedly praying his health improves and here mummy was supposedly upset about me continuing the fast. I accidently overheard some of her conversation and I was heartbroken.
I called hubby and cried and cried explaining to him that I'm not doing this to trouble anyone or escape my duties, but I was doing it for myself. It was something I wanted to do since the age of 16 and now finally when I think I can heading in the right direction with gurudev's grace, there are people talking things about me.
I knew that we are not allowed a lot of things, I am well aware of the restrictions and things we have to forego. We are also not welcome to speak our minds, pursue our dreams in many households but now wondered if daughter-in-laws did not have the freedom to fast if they wish.
"Was I doing something wrong!?" No I wasn't, I was sure of that. "Then why did those hurting words have to enter my ears?" I asked hubby still crying and feeling a sharp pain within.
He simply asked me to ignore everything and finish what I have in mind and accomplish what no one in the family had. Of course, I wasn't doing the tap to belittle anyone or get a name for myself. I simply wanted to feel what doing tap felt like. So I gulped the episode with a glass of warm water and headed towards day 5.
Bhai had to do parna the next day unwillingly as his health wasn't getting any better. And my stored energy seemed to be draining too. By afternoon there was something very unusual happening. I dint know what I was feeling but I was very uncomfortable.
So mom called me to take blessings from gurudev. We picked her up from home and went to the temple. I was surrounded by a protective aura the moment I set foot inside Shanti guru temple. It was as though my guiding light was truly taking me to my destination. I can still feel that aura while writing this but I am afraid, I am not able to put it in words.
Post darshan we got the blessing from Marasaheb who gave us a sermon about the conception of Lord Mahaveer (we call it Janam Vaanchan). Marasaheb asked if I wanted to continue my fast to which mom said I was hoping to do an Athai, he smiled, put vaaskhep on my head and blessed me saying "Aaj aur kal majboot rehna, ho jayega".
Mom was super happy by the way the day was turning out. "You have all the blessings now, don't worry" she said while we headed home. I consumed a glass of my staple drink and we left for Marathahalli.
Day 6....
I guess this would not get over so soon After all... Comeback for the last three days...
CHEERS!
GOD BLESS!!
CHS
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