Revisiting...

I got a chance to revesit history, re-experience it rather.

When? Yesterday.

Where? In a theatre.

How? While watching 83.

I won't spoil the fun for those who haven't watched it. I think every person in India, irrespective of their age should watch it. It is an absolute must watch!

So, the movie starts with a nail biting sequence which takes us back to the a few months ago.

It takes some madness to achieve something huge. 

Being him me is a trait History is not created by fluke or luck, it takes will power, determination, team effort and supoort and above all, belief.

There is no need for us to Answer all questions raised, some times doing us more effective than saying or telling.

Unequilibrium...

Equilibrium means a state of balance, especially between forces or influences that are working in opposite ways.

There is one thing in our society that is meant to be an equilibrium - marriage. The forces here are working in the same direction. However, the mindset and thoughts of two people does vary so to some extent the last bit of the definition does hold true.

Let's take marriage to be a cycle. Ideally the two partners should be like the two tires, always supporting each other irrespective of who is ahead and who is behind. But does that really happen?

As soon the pomp and pamper of wedding is over, in a month or two when the newly wed bride settles into the new family, she is told how to take care of the house.

So she cooks, manages chores, takes care of the new parents, family. After some time, she is expected to expect. So the child/ children arrive. She feeds them and cares for them. They grow up and its her job to discipline them, cater to their needs and also give them lessons on how to do things on their own.

She is a cook, laundry person, caretaker, manager who promotes to becoming a doctor, nanny, playmate, teacher when children are born.

When everything is a wife's responsibility and all the husband has to do is earn, I clearly see a huge imbalance in the equilibrium.

You may say that earning is not easy. Well everything needs effort, so just like earning needs effort, the tasks of the female require way more effort than agreed upon.

That's why I call marriage an Unequilibrium!

I had said the two tires should represent the spouses. But in truth I feel, mostly the husband is the handle that leads the direction while the wife has to not only follow but also take the weight of responsibility, face the roadblocks and get bruised by the stones on the way.

No matter how balanced you are as a couple in the beginning, the imbalance creeps in so quietly that for a long time, it only remains in the feeling of the other spouse.

I am not blaming the husband here, its the mindset that we are all brought up with which is to be blamed. Ladki sab sambhaal legi. What happens to the vows of equality exchanged during the ceremony?

Why is taking care of the husband's parents, solely the duty of a wife when it's not same with the wife's parents?

Why do women have to seek permission, make arrangements and go out of home when men can go and come back without worrying about petty chores.?

Why does only a mother have to be hands on and always available for the kids when actually they are co - produced by two people?

Why is a mother blamed for a kid's bad behaviour or low knowledge when everyone in the home can be a part of his or her learning process (be it education, sports or values)?

What start with small adjustments, keeps growing until finally they become compromises. These further lead to women giving up their hobbies, favourite things to do, places to go to and even food they love to eat. Don't be amazed, it is the truth of innumerable households.

How many times have we come across these things with regards to men?

I agree marriage brings changes in everyone's life but expecting only the female to adjust, change, move on, forgive, forget and continue dutifully unfairly takes away her right to basic freedom.

With life becoming a routine, she feels all that is left of her life is the role she plays and not who she really is. Believe me, this converts her responsibilities to a burden that suffocates her existence. In fact, I see an unequilibrium in the parenting of a girl and boy too. Where girls are denied freedom to work or take up a particular profession just because she may not be allowed to continue post Shaadi.

What can you do?

Female : Be yourself. Don't worry about people liking you, there are always people who will judge and blame you.

Speak your mind. Silence will never help you unburden.

Take it up. How many times have you liked something and then kept it back just because you thought, iski zarurat nahi.

Priotize. Give yourself the importance you need. Ignorance is hazardous to happiness.

Male : Do not forget that your spouse has left her world behind just to be with you. 

Make things easy for her. In today's modern world too, there are people who only live to make other's lives difficult.

Comfort her, Often, she goes out of her way to make others comfortable while being uncomfortable herself.

Sole time. No wonder she will enjoy time with family and kids but nothing can equate the joy of you making efforts of spending time just with her.

These simple things will strengthen her and your bond. With transparent communication, understanding, compassion and trust life can be equally beautiful for both of you.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS.

PDA...

Wedding season has just got over and I had three weddings lined up from end of November to quarter of December.

Weddings do contribute to chaos and clutter at home with frequent dressing up, attending functions, getting back home, changing and going for the next function. They also bring you close to family, helps you catch up with relatives and gets you closer to good food. 😋

The most important thing in weddings these days is the look. The look which is captured by our baes (our phones). Pictures take away so much time of weddings that we may miss out catching up on food and a some friendly gupshup.

Everyone wants to get clicked. Solo, couple, with kids, family, with cousins, friends, with the newlyweds, with the floral decoration, with the antiques, with the fountain, with the car, the list doesn't stop.....

I am a big spoiler when it comes to pictures, but I do love taking pictures. Still, a snap or two throughout the entire evening are always welcome.

Remember my first point in Spousy Treat? It was about hubby being shy. He doesn't talk to me much when people are around. He also goes absconding when I ask him for pictures with me.

I get excited about weddings mainly thinking that I would get time to spend with him, I can sit with him and listen to music in the car, can have food with him, click one or two pictures, steal glances on him when he is talking to others, dedicate songs and see if he can guess its from me.. 

All of which happens... (only in my head) It turns out to be the complete opposite in reality. The wedding ends up piling on to the physical exhaustion with emotional weariness.

Adding on is PDA by couples - married, unmarried and those that have spent years together making me adamant for PDA too.

My PDA here refers to 'Publically Attention Do'. I do hereby confess that I crave for attention from hubby when in public. I just want him to share few moments with me when outside home.

I do not want him to go on his knees and profess love. Not to hold hands if he doesn't want to. Neither would I want him to do anything thag makes him uncomfortable in public.

Click a picture, share a small talk, enjoy songs being played in the background, admire the surroundings, enjoy good food together. I want him to compliment me sometimes. It would be encouraging to hear a few good words about my parenting, about the way I do my bit at home. All of this to be between just the two of us in a crowd of hundreds.

Sometimes I feel its not something I should expect, I simply have to continue doing what I do. But aren't we all humans? A little bit of Positive Attention (I mention Positive because I do end up getting negative attention from the rest of the family often) can boost up a gloomy day and charge us up for the better.

So a bit of positivity, an assuring smile, some uplifting words would do no harm to his image or mine. This is my PDA. I do deserve it too.

P. S

Hubby, I know you're hesitant and shy but I will not give up either. I will continue andolan "Publicly Do Attention" ✊ till the time death do us apart.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Spousy Treat...

How many of us have seen a totally different person in our spouse post marriage? 

Count me in too✋...

Its been more than 8 years since our marriage and as I mentioned earlier, we were together in college so that makes a total of 15 years of knowing each other but I realised I barely knew him after wedding.

The first thing I noticed in my husband after wedding is that he is super shy. So much so that he barely spoke to me for years in front of his family members (apart from, roti le aao, chai rakh do, of course). I can say he has come half from being shy, does talk to me about cherith and our family in front of everyone but still a long way to go..

2nd, he was secretive, like very very secretive... He did not share anything with me and I did not keep anything from him.. He is like my everyday log book and I am his invisible partner (when it comes to share things in his mind). Work-in-progress here too...

3rd, he has a very witty and wicked sense of humour. I did always want someone who could make me laugh but hubby makes eveyone guffaw (subject of the joke; usually me 🙄) No further comments.

4th, despite being the youngest son at home, he is very responsible. He takes it onto him when things don't go right and tries his best so everyone around is happy. Rare quality in a world where everyone cares for self happiness.

5th he is equally carefree. Point 4 and 5 do sound like an oxymoron. You'd ask, How can someone be responsible and carefree at the same time?? Well, he is the best example. 

He does things the way they should be done but doesn't bother much with minute details like kisne kya socha, kya bola, how will someone react. Basically he carries out his task with determination and avoids drama completely. I, on the other hand used to take every little things way to seriously but this attitude of his has helped me calm down and be happy with little somethings that go unnoticed. 

6th, he is a silencer.. Stop wondering, here's the explanation. This is not just concerning me, but everyone he talks to. You can talk about something all you want but when he opens his mouth, he will say just one thing and the discussion is over. He says it so simply yet so sternly that opposition has to rest its case.

7th, he is a smart altruist. He keeps others before himself, cares for people but never expresses it and does things for them quietly. However, he is also smart enough not to be used, being pushed around or taken for granted.

Can I go on? Yes, but I'd love to enlighten you about other attributes of him in future..

Some of the discoveries were pleasant surprises while others were rather shocking and disappointing.. I do acknowledge that He is my Spousy Treat.. 

I may be on the same page with him sometimes and many other times I would be in a different boat altogether. But I do enjoy his company in each and every way, irrespective of me conveying it or even if I say the complete opposite...

CHEERS! 

GOD BLESS!! 

CHS

The Power of Will Power - Part 3...

Day 6 was a challenge at the next level. I got up in the morning to get ready, mummy had said we shall go to the sthanak for 6 ka pratyakhyan.

Before I got ready, I got my periods and I was starting to wonder how I would overcome this physical challenge. I got ready anyway and went up to tell mummy.

She was boiling water for me while saying "First tap Athai nahi hogi, 9 karna hoga. Kar sakoge toh main sabko call karu, geet rakhungi, khana rakhungi" I simply nodded and told her that I could not go to the sthanak. I also told her that I was doing it for myself and did not want any pomp and celebration for it. She seemed somewhat excited about it and did not budge (just as I did not 2 days back).

I gave up and focused on the day ahead. I must say it was the most difficult of all days. With no energy, no work to do, no cherry around to play fool with, I literally dragged myself through the day before puking at dusk.

When Mummy came down to check on me and saw me slumped, she asked "saata hai?" "Pith ho gaye mummy" I said in a meakly voice. "Dekho, subah tabiyat theek na lage toh Paarna kar lena, shareer zaruri hai, tap nahi" she said. I did not want to discontinue but those words worked like an ointment on my wound.

Days 7 and 8 passed as if they were usual days and day 9 was the last day of my fast. Mummy was adamant I get mehndi applied. Relatives who stayed nearby dropped to know how I was doing, mummy was on phone all day. Calls were being made to invite friends and family for a small function and bhakti. 

I was immensely happy that Lord gave me strength to finish it and I could see hubby, papa, mom and mummy swell with pride when we went for Pachkaan.

Cherith was taken care of by hubby and mummy during my tap and later by family after parna. No one let him come to me with any issue. Hubby had my back throughout the 9 days, checking on me whenever he came home, getting me water, ceremoniously rubbing nilgiri oil on my feet to prevent my feet from freezing. He dint mind my tumbling in the bed all night and kept me in good spirits all along.

Tarunji would make sure he spent an hour or two with me. We would talk, he would get tips from his mom to keep me in good health and help me get through the long hours of the day. Mummy made sure cherith was fed and she did not mind his tantrums while I was fasting.

My family was away from me but kept calling and asking, I also know all of them prayed for me too.

Above all, Shanti gurudev's grace, his blessings and his bhajans helped my boat sail through despite the obstacles.

I was to take a medicinal bite on the day of my parna at parents' home. After a thanksgiving to Mata Padmavati on day 10 for her blessings and strength, we headed to basavangudi where my lovely family made me feel extra special with a heartwarming welcome and beautiful decoration just for me. We had a few pictures clicked which are now forever memories.

Going through the next few days was a task too. It seemed like the Lord had taken away his divine energy so that I could muster my own strength here on. I was on liquid diet for a couple fo days followed by semi solid food. And mom gave me roti only after day 4.

My feet were wobbly, I felt chills, I disliked taking any liquid or food but was very thirsty, I would cuddle myself in the sofa all day and the tumbling in the night continued.

It may have been a big tap, challenging one, but I kept thinking about those who had fasted for more days, about those who barely managed to get one meal a day in normal circumstances and about our Tirthankars and saints who had gone through way more difficult rather torturous impediments with an inexplicable serenity.

It's been a few months now. The entire experience had such a calmingly magical effect on me.. I realized how it was to go without food. I learnt that anger and haughtiness did not really improve quality of life.

Care, love, Compassion and inner peace is all that we should strive for...

It was my will but I did not know that it truly had the power to eventuate. I seem to amaze myself with unnatural willpower sometimes.. 

And now the words that resonated in my head throughout my tap and continue to help me move ahead with positivity - "Tere haathon mein guru meri dor, tu Jaane tera kaam Jaane...."

Just like the way I surrendered to Gurudev and he continues to shield me, I hope you find a force that fortifies you too... 

Cheers 

The Power of Will Power - Part 2

Day 3... 

It was a Sunday and I had told mummy I will come to the sthanak. She prepared for my Paarna again and left early and hubby, me and Cherith headed to Ganesh Bagh later.

After vyakhyan, it was time for pratyakhyan and without a thought I simply got up and vowed for tela. I can go through today, kal ka kal dekhenge I thought.

When I met mummy after the sermon and she asked me if I had eaten, I refused and she asked why, worriedly. I simply smiled and said I'm fine.

My brother also had tela that day, he was giving me company. While mom would call in a few hours and ask if I was fine, bhabhi really gave me strength when she said "May lord help you achieve what you have in mind". Sometimes, the most simple words are capable of transferring a lot of positive energy...

Mummy however, gave me a good talk about the how I have work, cherry's classes and finally reminded me that corona is still not over when she saw I dint budge. "Jitna kiya uthna bas hai" she tried to convince me..

Hubby also said that it's better to stop at tela. I told him that all I wanted was his support. Honestly, I had no clue how far I could go.

Next morning was again the same but I dint feel like eating anything so I continued on day 4. While I was getting through the day okay, bhai's health spoilt and I got to know about it only in the late afternoon.

I was worriedly praying his health improves and here mummy was supposedly upset about me continuing the fast. I accidently overheard some of her conversation and I was heartbroken.

I called hubby and cried and cried explaining to him that I'm not doing this to trouble anyone or escape my duties, but I was doing it for myself. It was something I wanted to do since the age of 16 and now finally when I think I can heading in the right direction with gurudev's grace, there are people talking things about me.

I knew that we are not allowed a lot of things, I am well aware of the restrictions and things we have to forego. We are also not welcome to speak our minds, pursue our dreams in many households but now wondered if daughter-in-laws did not have the freedom to fast if they wish. 

"Was I doing something wrong!?" No I wasn't, I was sure of that. "Then why did those hurting words have to enter my ears?" I asked hubby still crying and feeling a sharp pain within.

He simply asked me to ignore everything and finish what I have in mind and accomplish what no one in the family had. Of course, I wasn't doing the tap to belittle anyone or get a name for myself. I simply wanted to feel what doing tap felt like. So I gulped the episode with a glass of warm water and headed towards day 5.

Bhai had to do parna the next day unwillingly as his health wasn't getting any better. And my stored energy seemed to be draining too. By afternoon there was something very unusual happening. I dint know what I was feeling but I was very uncomfortable.

So mom called me to take blessings from gurudev. We picked her up from home and went to the temple. I was surrounded by a protective aura the moment I set foot inside Shanti guru temple. It was as though my guiding light was truly taking me to my destination. I can still feel that aura while writing this but I am afraid, I am not able to put it in words.

Post darshan we got the blessing from Marasaheb who gave us a sermon about the conception of Lord Mahaveer (we call it Janam Vaanchan). Marasaheb asked if I wanted to continue my fast to which mom said I was hoping to do an Athai, he smiled, put vaaskhep on my head and blessed me saying "Aaj aur kal majboot rehna, ho jayega".

Mom was super happy by the way the day was turning out. "You have all the blessings now, don't worry" she said while we headed home. I consumed a glass of my staple drink and we left for Marathahalli.

Day 6....

I guess this would not get over so soon After all... Comeback for the last three days...

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

The Power of Will Power..

Hello there, I hope you are safe and doing well. Where was I all this while..??

Well, After that senti - motional write up for bhai on Rakhi, my mind was prepping me up for a physical feat.

Me and bhai have been wanting to do an Athai since so so many years. I will explain what it means first.

We Jains celebrate the King of festival called Parv Paryushan during chaturmas (rainy season) every year. We try to get rid of all our wrong doings and shed the load off our souls.

Giving up zamin kand (root vegetables), Mandir darshan, puja, vyakhyan (sermons from saints), bhakti, samayik, pratikaman, tap (fast) are different ways given to us by the Lord to free our souls from paap and fill our ghadas with punya.

The moderate jain that I am, I do not do all of it but I do visit the temple, give up rooted vegs and abstain from eating after sunset (for 2 months) and try to do as much tap as possible.

Jainisn gives the liberty to every jain to fast as per allowed by a person's body. We can abstain from eating at night, eat twice a day while drinking boiled water, eat once a day or give up food for the whole day and stay on boiled water. I am skipping the minor details of fasts here just to give an overview.

One day fast is called Upvas, 2 days - bela, 3 days - tela and so on. Athai is the fast for 8 days and one can go on for as long as the body permits.

Getting to the point, bhai accomplished his Athai goal 2 years back and I felt I missed it. While I did do a fast for 3 days continuously, twice, I could not continue post that. For some reason this year I was very positive on doing some tap.

So I was having visuals of me and hubby visiting temples, my parents blessing me, my mom in law being overjoyed, my family enjoying the religious atmosphere. But I did not know if any of it would be possible.

Paryushan started on 3rd September and I had decided to fast the previous night. So I got up in the morning and thought, ek upvas kar leti hoon, have cherith's classes and work is usual so I do not want to trouble anyone.

Day one was usual, day 2 mummy prepared for my Paarna (eating after fast) and left for vyakhyan. Aaj ek upvas kar leti hoon I thought. When she returned, she asked me not to continue since it will be difficult to manage home and fast simultaneously....

Day 3......

Come back read about it in the next one...

CHEERS! 

GOD BLESS!! 

CHS

Brawsome!!!

This is just a small dedication to the only one who is younger to me...

This day brings a lot of memories. Mostly of the very precious ones.

Starting from two of us walking to school, how we woke up early for our 7 o clock school time and walked on the roads as if we owned them. How you used to be protective of me when any boy tried to hit on me(even in school). How we prepared for exams, me being up at night and you waking up the building memorising at 4 in the morning. Proud students of Kashinath Sir and of NewOxford International School.

The next best thing about our childhoods were the summer holidays. Piyu, Aku, Kannu and Loki accompanying us to create some insane ghar ghar, cricket and tatlinga memories. The times we travelled together only strengthened our bonds and it stays that way till date despite all of us being thousands of miles away. 

Experiment is in your blood, especially with food. You make unimaginable combinations and make me try them even today. Best ones I remember were with monaco and krackjack with cheese, cashews, raisins and tomato sauce. Just imagine...

And then the epic new year preps at Manik Mansion. We half tickets paid half amounts, also decorated the terrace and also got some refund from earnings.. 

You are the best dance partner I have ever had. I still can not forget how eagerly our performances were awaited and then the compliments that showered. Especially after 'Ladki Kyu Na Jaane Kyu Ladkon Si Nahi Hoti'. I haven't watched the video yet though...

I have mentioned that you taught me how to ride but I have never mentioned somethings you have silently taught me for life. You taught me the attitude of never giving up, to work for a cause and not for an applause, to go ahead with a positive outlook and not to worry too much.

I am successful in implementing some and there is work in progress in a few. But I am glad that you are such a sorted and clear headed person. It is commendable, the way you and bhabhi make us all celebrate the little joys of life and are proving the be a permanent glue that will keep all of us stuck together throughout.

ऐसी देहलीज़ के अंदर हूँ

जिसे मैं कभी लांघ नहीं सकती

दुःख ये है की तू मेरे सामने है

पर मैं तुझे राखी बाँध नहीं सकती

We are missing out on celebrating rakhi but our love, respect and bond is unescapable. You are not awesome, you are Brawsome!! 

Happy Raksha Bandan Bhai...

Lots of Love and more...

GOD BLESS!!

Yours,

Chinki Di... 

Anek... Part 2...

Continued from part 1...

DIMPLE says she enjoys snacking and chatting with me. Now this here is not gossip, we don't talk about anyone as such but we talk about things.. Like our habits, our likes, dislikes, behaviours, parenting, entertainment, education, hobbies, baking..... We can go on and on whether its 6 in the morning or 2 in the night.

Also, whenever I am hungry, I go to her and ask if she'd eat something and she asks Didi bhookh lagi hai? Mujhe bhi.. So we are definitely BINGE and GUPSHUP partners.

BHAVNA DI replied saying she enjoys my jokes and mimicry. She does go mute when I ask her some bizzarre questions but she says that's because she likes to listen more than talk. We do have some stomach hurting and eye tearing laughs when we are in form. So according to her, I am her LAUGHTER partner.

REEMZ says for her, I am someone she shares all her negative and positive thoughts. We dint do school or college together. She is my college friend's wife and we met ocassionally a couple of times. When I shared news of my pregnancy, she was expecting too. Sharing our experiences was the start of our relationship. Our unborn children were the reason we bonded and hence we are the MOTHERHOOD partners.

JAY JIJU could not really come up with anything much so he said I should spend more time there so we can have more partnerships. We somehow developed this love for cafe caremel ice cream from corner house and everytime he eats it, he misses me. I am his COFFEE and ICE CREAM partner.

CHETAN took 2 days to reply... He clearly missed my question so when reminded he answered that I am his HUMOUR and FAMILY PROBLEM SOLVING partner. Matter of factly, both of us are the troubleshooters and go to each other first when hit with a crisis situation. We two wisecracks are proud to be PRANK BUDDIES too. 

SWEETZ told me that I remind her of her adolescence. That’s where her memory lane is connected with our friendship. When she asked me the same question, I told her I always go back to the first day we met.

Something just clicked and we were almost inseparable during college. We studied, chatted, argued, laughed, cried, ate and enjoyed birdwatching all without being judgmental.. I did not know then that it would lead to a lifelong friendship and now, I am truly grateful for her presence in my life. We are, in every way possible, each other's FOREVER ADOLESCENCE partners.. 

Lastly, I did not ask this to PAPA but whenever I go home, He gets these variety of sweets. Different ones everyday saying chinku aayi hai. He loves sweets too but I'm sure he relishes food and mithai more when he has company. So I call myself his MITHAI partner...

These are all people I know and I am in constant touch with. I too have few such relationships that strengthen me, motivate me and sometimes just take me through a tidal situation.

HUM EK, HUMARE ROOP ANEK... 

We play different roles in lives of different people. Mostly we do not convey the importance of such people and yet they silently continue to support, care, love, entertain, inspire and influence us in more than one ways.

So as dear Jug rightly said, it is unfair to put the responsibility of so many relationships on just one. It is completely alright to have various people to play different parts.. 

We can have someone to listen to, talk to, dance with, read books with, enjoy music with, travel with, gossip with, watch movies with, enjoy theatre with, laugh with and talk nonsense with and each of these can be different. 

Go ahead and find your match for varied activities, I am sure this will uncomplicated life. Perhaps, we shall enjoy our lives the way they should be, without unnecessary disruption.

CHEERS!!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Anek... Part 1...

I came across this wonderful video excerpt from Dear Zindagi where Kaira talks to Jug about how she is sure of not finding anyone in her life. She then asks "Tell me something, is there anything like a perfect relationship?" To which our beloved Jug explains how we can have different relationships with different people. 

Like someone just to have coffee with, someone who you gossip with, someone who shares your love for books... So I asked some special people what kind of a partner I am to them.

Read on to find out what they had to say.. In the same order I received replies...

Darling PRIYANKA said Clothes, food and gossip partner and more... As little girls, we enjoyed playing kitchen set during our vacations and now we enjoy all genres of gossips and thus I am her CHITCHAT partner.

HUBBY said I am his life partner, support partner, mind partner. To which I was like hmmmmm... please kuch toh sochke boliye.. So he gave me an answer that melted my heart.

He said I am his impromptu travel partner. He'd love to travel to unexplored places with me. Enjoy unplanned trips, do whatever we like, no adjustments, no sacrifices. We also like cracking meaningless jokes, dance, talk our hearts out. In short, I am his HAPPINESS partner. 

SANY was next to give me her inputs. We share a million things, but she enjoys shopping the most with me. I admit its not easy to go shopping with her, it takes jigra. She  would pick something she likes and send me to the trial room and while I try the 2 or 3 things, there comes more. She likes this and that and then one more and more.... In the end I am under a debris of tagged clothing unsure of what to buy and what to let go. But such shopping sprees have become great memories too, so I am her SHOPPING partner.

MITZ said he loved to watch movies with me. Well we did watch a lot of movies, also enjoyed a few drives during college but haaye ye zindagi, never really get a chance to catch up these days. We do chat once in a while and know whats going on. So if we do get to meet it will be a theatre since I am his MOVIE partner.

BHABHI, my co sis says I am a friend. We do share an understanding. We trust each other and find comfort sharing our joys and sorrows. We do a little gossip too but I guess its more about the light feeling we have after venting our frustrations out so I'd like to say I am her CALMING partner... 

SANJU says my company is like a choti sister with whom he can share his feelings and worries. I am also a friend who is there for him through thick and thin. My support gives him confidence.. So let's say I am his SISTER and CONFIDANT.

Let's stop here..

Wait you want to read more.. Then I guess you will have to do that in the next one because this is going longer than I thought..

Guess the other titles I would have got and find out what role you play in other people's lives.. It's going to be fun, instrospecting and one happy exercise for mind, heart and soul.. 

To be continued... 

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!! 

CHS

Three phased...

Life gives us different experiences.. We all go through so many rides at various ages. While we did not know what to call them, I have noticed the newer generation term episodes of life as phases..

As in when you start liking someone, it's a phase. When you have a break up, it is another phase. When you feel sad, lonely or low, it is yet another phase and the list goes on... 

While self introspection a few days ago, I revisited some of such phases of my life.. 

The first was when I started liking someone I had known for a very long time.. We were in school together but we were never on talking terms. High school was the start of our distant conversation and we got to know each other during college. We were just learning how to be together when something somewhere shattered my delicate teenage heart and we fell apart.

A few months later when I was not looking for any relationship, life startled me by presenting me with someone who was totally new to me. A complete stranger seemed to be all smiles whenever I was around.

We met more often on campus, spoke, started going out and just when I had thought I knew that was the special one for me, fate struck a stronger bolt of lightening and threw us distances apart.

Years later, I had a chance to reconnect with an old college friend. That was someone who listened to me when I needed an ear, spoke to me normally. As in, he was one of the rare boys who never gave me a vibe of liking, was most respectful and I always saw a person who was too shy to talk to girls. He had been a dear dear friend throughout.

So when I was getting prepped for arrange marriage, this friend of mine came into picture out of nowhere and I grabbed the opportunity of choosing him over a stranger. 

I knew the true situation will not be understood by anyone including my parents but I strongly believed that "A known devil is better than an unknown one" and voila, he turned out to be my soul mate. My companion, my spouse, my friend for life....

The Phase 1 was kind of immature. There was a lot of influencing. New freedom, new friendships, less understanding of relationships and very less tolerance. Naive people came together and went apart within a very short span of time.

Phase 2 was where I was still very young but gave the other person more importance than myself. I did he liked, tried to live up to his expectations, behaved a particular way and always wanted to be approved of. What I wanted was almost non existant. My world was just one person with everything else missing, even myself. I gave it my all for nothing..

All those years I only focused on what I had not on what I wanted or what I deserved. 

So Phase 3 was a randevous with reality. I found someone who was worth having me and I was worth having. He matched my thoughts and my idea of life. He understands me, wants me, shares with me and supports my endeavours. 

Each of us have our importance in place. There is no overlapping of likes, dislikes or tastes. In short we maintain our identities while respecting choices of the other. We experiment and explore, try new things and have fun laughing together. 

Today, after a lot of contemplation and a bit of hesitation, I share this three phased encounter with love because I see the youth having a lot of issues, majority of which are personal. 

Dear ones, please know that no matter who comes to and walks away from your life, do continue to have faith. Whoever is meant and made for you will be there when the times is right. 

The people who really matter will find a way to get back to you. Some times unexpectedly making you happier than ever. So go with the flow and enjoy each phase.. 

Lots of love.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Pandemic struck.

The pandemic needs no introduction and this one is nothing about how it started and how it kept growing and finally become an endemic. 

This one is to talk about those little cute creatures in our homes that have had a complete brainwash in the past year and a half, our kids... 

Schools were shut in March 2020 and we mothers know how badly we want them to reopen.

It started like the first fun, harmless ride you enjoy when you enter an amusement park. They were at home all the time, they would help when needed, they would occasionally ask for some treats and we were happy to oblige.

They enjoyed everyone being at home, played with their dads and other family members, ate with them, watched movies, danced, learnt new things, it was going too well..

We moved a level up to difficult rides when the next academic year started and we were introduced to the concept of online classes.

One person instructing and managing 20 kids in a class was a task. Making them sit properly, listen, answer and write was a task on our sides. It was like the maverick, going in all directions without notice. 

Then, it became like the pirate ship that always kept moving to and fro. Sometimes we knew what to do and sometimes we were clueless too. 

Next we headed for the crazy cars, the assessments. We bumped into one test and when managed to steer away, bumped into the next one.. Sure got our heads pounding by the end. 

The PTMs were like the vertical fall. We went into them thinking all is well and then fell suddenly knowing our efforts were only efforts that did not convert into results. 

We somehow got through the year like a roller coaster that took us up an amazed us and scared us to death while coming down. Together, we did it and the day at one amusement park ended, our kids promoted.

Vacations however were nothing less than the mirror maze.. Looked easy peasy but our kids held our hands and bumped us into every mirror on the way out.

I have seen some positive and negative changes in cherith's behaviour. Sometimes he is sensitive and sometimes angry for no reason. He is lost to another world at one moment and sometimes wants all my attention irrespective of what I am doing. He laughs unabashedly some days and some days cries for stupid nothings.

For now, Year two of classes has started. I do feel bad for these kids since they have been away from the fun and learning experience at the school. They missed the meeting old friends and making new ones, sharing lunch, making jokes and sports the most..

Our pandemic struck children have lost more than they know. So all we can do is understand their needs and act accordingly while also praying that the day at the amusement park ends soon and a safe school environment welcomes them. 

With words of understanding for every parent and lots of love for every kid.

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Dear Life...

It's my anniversary!! 8 crazy years spent with someone I had not imagined a life with... However, deep down I always wanted a person who could understand my thoughts without me having to put them in words...

First of all Happy Anniversary to Us, Hubby!! 

This one doesn't mean we have had the golden 8 years, not at all. We have had our share of disagreements, misunderstandings, disappointments. All of us do. 

When we had issues, we tried to resolve. Figured out ways to live up to each other's likes. Tried best to explain/ understand and when we could not we also gave each other space to be ourselves without the pressure of coming through.

The biggest trait I would say is our effort to come clean when we have made a mistake and the other dint notice. Honesty is the one that has and will continue to be the driving force..

I haven't told him these things ever. Haven't told him how thankful I am not for being there for me but even more for him becoming a part of my family. He has been there through everything just as a family member and not a son-in-law. That's something that has increased my respect and love for him multifold. 

It's easier for us girls to think of our in-laws as family but when I see a few good men who take their in-laws to be as much their family as ours, it is one rare blessing. 

Its ironic how something as deadly as this pandemic has brought out our best behaviours. We care more, we love more, we thank more and we are trying to live more...

I realize that I am immensely blessed for having the ones who care for me so much that they don't have a problem fighting with me for me.

So Dear Life, its okay if you shower me with love or blow jabs at my face, as long as I have my support system, my family intact to push me around, make fun of me, dance with me, fight with me, hear me out and celebrate our little happy moments, I will enjoy every moment of it.

Hope you are all safe and taking care. Lots of love...

CHEERS!!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Little eyes, big scrutiny..

It's great to be a parent. From the moment you hold the baby in your hands and see them cuddle in your arms and fall sound asleep like it's the best place in the world to the moment they grow (which is recurring).

In the first year, every month brings in some new changes but they are visible.. The following years, there is indeed much more that happens with the minds of these little menace makers in our lives.

Cherith has been swamping me with questions ever since he was 3, the time he started not just noticing but even observing.

Lately, he has asked me questions like where do babies come from?, why did I get married?, why do I live with his papa rather than live with my mama papa?, why is earth the only place people live in?, why do we have to listen to elders all the time?, why do we have to behave when our elders don't behave the same way?..

His thoughts seem to be at war bombing me without warning. While I'm very glad about the questions, I try my best to answer all of them in the most simplest way so he has them answered and needn't go to anyone else for answers.

In fact I love this process of him doing an internal brainstorming resulting in questions which are a sign of a sharp mind. I must confess I was a question asker myself but I barely got any answers to them.

As I child, I mostly got the same answer "We do it because we are told to" or "That's how it's been" or "Our ancestors set traditions and we follow them". It all meant the same to me but these were not definitely the answers.

Coming back to present, after the lockdown eased up, Cherith got his cycle down and started learning. I was overjoyed to see him have his hands and legs co-ordinated so well that he perfected it in just about 4 months without much falling.

He has now grown tall and the cycle already has to be passed on to a successor. He has been insisting on getting a new one since the seat and handle have been raised to the maximum and it is getting quite uncomfortable for him now. So we agreed to get him a new cycle after his assessments.

He is not too adamant and fussy like many other kids I see around. He is pretty understanding and accepts logic which is a great relief to me as a mother.

So yesterday I was having lunch and he wanted me to play with him. Since his papa was done with lunch, I asked him to take his blocks and make something nice while I finish the chores. I challenged him to compete with papa and the creation I find the best will be rewarded.

They set out to the task and when I came out, I could clearly look at the two robots made of blocks and know who had made which one. I simply pointed at one and said I like this one and I could see his eyes sparkle and say, "I made this mumma".

"Superb" I joined him. "Now tell me what you want as a prize, you can ask for anything" I tempted him.

"I just want papa to play with me for an hour or half an hour everyday, that's all"

Silence...

While he went back to watching his cartoon I was not surprised by his words but shocked by his observation. Those little eyes do see everything but that little mind understands so much more. He evidently sees the lack of time spent with his father but the way he asked for it took my heart away..

When and how do our little munchkins grow up so soon.. Sometime back, he held my finger while walking, some more time back I lifted him while outdoors and some more time back he was in my arms all day cooing and even before that, I could not see him just feel him in me. After all the proximity, now I can put my hand on his shoulder.

While I'm writing this, he is trying to fit in my lap, failing but still trying. I tell him that most of my writeups are filled with him these days and when he grows up, he can read them and know what I feel about him. In my mind I'm thinking these are eternal memories that I will store online for him so he can revisit them anytime, forever..

As for his scrutinizing eyes, I just hope his brain keeps erupting with questions and pray that god gives me the sanity to answer them all in the most creative, satisfying and less intriguing way. 

Good luck to all the would be and already parents with the little joys of the greatest treasure of our lives..

CHEERS!

GOD BLESS!!

CHS

Wishlisted... The conclusion

Just to be on the safer side, I had texted bro and Sany that I was with him to buy Perry's birthday gift (they would have teased me to death if they discovered later) and guess what happened when I reached...

I ran straight to the kitchen to drain a glass of water so I could buy more time to face the question cannon awaiting me.

I saw papa looking at me. "Beta, kaha gaye the?" he asked casually.. "Papa actually...." I was thinking of telling him "Inko kuch samaan deliver karne jaana tha, mujhe bola saath chalo toh. .." but before I could present my case he took my hand and directed me outside.

"Pata hai?" he said looking and mom, Sany and Bhavna di "Baisa niche gaye, povna ko phone lagaya, phir 5 minute Baad povna car mein aaye aur baisa car mein bethke nikal gaye. Inhone socha hoga bolenge nahi toh kya pata chalega"

I was flushed with embarrassment while everyone started laughing. Papa was suddenly treating me like an 18 year old caught with her boyfriend (well the idea was to experience exactly that) but I dint want it to blow up on my face like this.

Mom quietly took me to one side as I wondered how papa knew everything in such detail. As if reading my mind she said "Your dad went to the balcony as soon as you left to see where you were going. He might have become old but still keeps an eye on what his kids are upto you know. Apne papa ko kam mat samajhna".

Of all the people in the world, I dint expect papa to spy on me and then laugh it out in front of everyone. I simply smiled and tried to defend myself "Arey papa, he called me just 5 minutes before, I dint know what he had come for, niche gayi tab pata chala"

"With the long grin on your face, we understood who you were going to meet even before you told us. Bolke chali jaati, koi mana thode hi karte" Sany landed the blow I could not recover from and I rested my case losing to family.

When I briefed hubby about the blunder on my return he laughed heartily saying "Main tha isliye theek tha, kisi aur ke saath jaate toh pehle aapko aur phir mujhe papa ka phone zaroor aata, ki dekho meri beti kaha gayi hai" He too joined forces with everyone else, that was the last thing I needed.

While I was thinking about the excitement of an impromptu teenage stunt, my family clearly knew me too well making it impossible for me to pull it off.

It was a night of laughter and I was a target for the next couple of days but I enjoyed every minute of being with him thinking my family dint know and then kind of came to terms with the fact that my family can make out when I'm lying because I am a pathetic liar. Seems like it had happened just for laughs..

I hope you too have some fun time with family irrespective of who is the reason for laughter. May all of us find joy in such small somethings and may happiness prevail in all our lives.

P. S : I still have a long list of things to do, wonder which one to chose next (;

CHEERS!! 

GOD BLESS! 

CHS

Wishlisted... The beginning...

I can't believe I got back to this space after 3 months.. Although I confess I had so many things to write about, somethings and events kept me denying the time to do so. However, I also admit that there is a time when artists go blank and that did happen with me in the past months..

I hope you are having a good start to the new year and new decade.. Interestingly I am just going to throw light on an event that was planned with results unplanned.

How many of us have a wishlist.. You know, of things we want to do for ourselves, our family. A kind of to do list with our friends or partner... 

Apparently me and hubby agreed upon making lists of our own, list of things we wanted to do together. We're actually close to completing 8 years of marriage but couldn't really manage to get the we time for unforseen circumstances and unavoidable situations. So we decided better this way than never.

So I was on my vacation, enjoying my family time and freedom and during my usual chats with hubby, tried to put together a few things on the list. 

One such wish of mine was to sneak out of home without telling anyone. I wanted to be back in 20's mysteriously leaving home to meet a guy, enjoying the thrill of no one knowing and then making my brain run a marathon to come up with suitable excuses.

So I just mentioned it to hubby and he said 'hmmm'. Really?? I wondered if he was getting double older every year. I was coping up with that disheartening reply when I got a call from him.

"Come down when I call you and don't tell anyone" I was overjoyed. I quickly put on a jacket and did my hair and picked my wallet and walked out of the room to be welcomed with 5 pair of eyes that looked at me questioningly but dint question.

I hated it that my grin was getting uncontrollable. "I'll be back in a while" I blurted out and quickly shut the main door to avoid questions.

I ran down waiting for him. He arrived in the car in 5 minutes and I asked him "where to?"

"I had some work around here and you wanted to sneak out, looks like this one's set up for us already" We both laughed and started our journey enjoying music and talking but I could hide the excitement of being out of home at that hour without anyone knowing.

He stopped outside a cafe as the person was preparing to close and asked me to get my favourite coffee before he shuts down. I was even more happy to get my hands on devils own after ages...

I was feeling 18 again and my mind had already started permutations and combinations of questions and answer round that was just about to take place as soon as I entered home.

Just to be on the safer side, I had texted bro and sany that I was with him (they would have teased me to death if they discovered later) and guess what happened when I reached... 

To be continued.... 

CHEERS

GOD BLESS

CHS