Disown...

A few days back, a ring that I adored broke off. Shocking for me because it sat on my ring finger for more than fifteen years and I was sad because it was a gift from mom. Feeling the emptiness of my hand, I asked hubby to fetch me my jewellery so I could wear another ring.

A week has passed and when I asked him yesterday he said "Oh, I forgot. Kal pakka"
Tell him do any little repair work "Aaj nahi, kal?"
Cherith's holidays have got over and I have been wanting to take him for a day out. Ask him and he says "Aaj akela hoon, kal chale?"
Need to give clothes for press "Jaldi kya hai, kal de denge"
Ice cream khane jaana hai "Aaj late ho gaya, kal?"
At the end of the day, after waiting to talk to him all day, when I finally sit by his side his snores convey his message to me "Kal" "Kal" "Kal...."
I am totally confident he never heard Kabirdaasji's doha.
We have not taken even a short trip since five and a half years of our marriage...

Too fed up of his 'Tomorrow that never comes', I now am looking for ways to deal with this. Reminding doesn't help. Neither does pestering, arguing, fighting (which I am worse at). Even silencing, buttering and seducing him fall flat on their faces when they encounter him. All my anger, frustration, irritation built up during the day flush out seeing his sad puppy face.

You can go away from parents (In a daughter's case, that happens by default after marriage) You can have distances between friends, siblings and even children.You can disown money, properties and belongings. Parents can also disown their offspring. I want to know, How do you disown a Husband?

I'm pondering over this since a couple of days now. Have gone wrong somewhere. After peaceful contemplation I realize that since it is impossible to change certain things, it would be worthless to try that.

Also, I'm brought back to two things I sternly believe - 1. There's a time for everything.
2. Everything happens for a reason.

Suddenly all my hard feelings had vanished because with a calm mind I noticed all the effort that he has been putting but the results just done come.

I walked down the memory lane when I had held on to a relationship very dear to me, it dint last. Maybe because I had to be with a person who loves me loyally, unconditionally and uncontrollably. :*

I dint have a proper bedroom for a year and a half after my marriage and then I had the biggest and most well designed one in the whole house :)

I recollect the phase when I thought I was going to have a baby (that happened twice) but Cherith's news came to me as a birthday present, the best one ever!!

So no matter how hard you try for something to work, if it doesn't have to, it will not. No matter how badly you want a certain someone to be with you, if it doesn't have to be, it won't be. All in all, things will come to you when they ought to. That's the masterplan.

Someone had once told me 'Dont focus on the action but the intention behind the action'. I must admit that hubby's intent has always been good but like a character Jethalal Gada his luck always makes him look like the culprit.

So now at the end of all the brainstorm, I'm happy that I have him, happy to be his one and only. What's the spice of life without ups and downs, the real test is to take everything in good stride. It's fun as well at times..

I hereby disown all the expectations that causes unwanted burden on him. I disown all the negativity that creeps up time and again. I disown the doubts and worries. I trust him and love him and that's more than enough to keep me going.

I pledge to be with him, support him in all his efforts whether fruitful or not. We are in it together, until death do us apart..

Lots of love to Janaab...
Thank you for the efforts..


Cheers!
God Bless!!

CHS

Relive...

Afternoons are Cherith's doze times, the only time I can use my phone for myself (other times are rhyme times). Janaab presented me a new phone and I was transferring files from to old to new.

In the process I went through all the thousand pictures in the old one choosing the ones I wanted to carry forward. It had pictures that were clicked before Cherith was born.

The rakhi I celebrated nearing full term, the dinner I had when the house arrest was killing me. Cherith first picture, welcome at home, rituals that followed. We three as a family happily ever after, my birthday celebration.

Cherith first coos, crawl, walk, his first Holi, Diwali, Birthday. The videos of his play times, in the Walker, mama becoming his ghoda and when he walked talked thoda thoda..

The family trips, courtship long rides, the lovely texts from janaab, miss you texts from home. The rakhi photoshoot, resort day outs and out of station weddings. Jiju and bhabhi joining our family and the newest and cutest member perithu...

Honestly I have been pestering hubby to take time out for a family trip. Though that break is a much needed one, I realised that I had such lovely memories in abundance already.

I was so engrossed in planning for a holiday that I barely remembered the little good things that kept coming my way time and again. Happens with all of us. So I spent a few hours looking at each and every one of those pictures and relived all those moments.

At the end of it, when Cherith woke up, I felt like I was taking him in my arms for the first time again.. I felt light and happy. I smiled as if I had just been to those places again, done those things again, lived with my loved ones and felt special all over again... It was rejuvenating!

All of us have our struggles and worries in life. We also have some people who make our lives extraordinary. We may not get time to come together often but we do have some stills that comprise of our memory world.

So here's a small tip to all those sailing in the same boat as me. Routine will come back sooner than we want it to but to be alive to every moment, lets take a few minutes out to go through some of the adorable snapshots of our beautiful past and get set to go along the present with new energy...


Relive and rejuvenate..
Cheers!!
God bless!


CHS