Disown...

A few days back, a ring that I adored broke off. Shocking for me because it sat on my ring finger for more than fifteen years and I was sad because it was a gift from mom. Feeling the emptiness of my hand, I asked hubby to fetch me my jewellery so I could wear another ring.

A week has passed and when I asked him yesterday he said "Oh, I forgot. Kal pakka"
Tell him do any little repair work "Aaj nahi, kal?"
Cherith's holidays have got over and I have been wanting to take him for a day out. Ask him and he says "Aaj akela hoon, kal chale?"
Need to give clothes for press "Jaldi kya hai, kal de denge"
Ice cream khane jaana hai "Aaj late ho gaya, kal?"
At the end of the day, after waiting to talk to him all day, when I finally sit by his side his snores convey his message to me "Kal" "Kal" "Kal...."
I am totally confident he never heard Kabirdaasji's doha.
We have not taken even a short trip since five and a half years of our marriage...

Too fed up of his 'Tomorrow that never comes', I now am looking for ways to deal with this. Reminding doesn't help. Neither does pestering, arguing, fighting (which I am worse at). Even silencing, buttering and seducing him fall flat on their faces when they encounter him. All my anger, frustration, irritation built up during the day flush out seeing his sad puppy face.

You can go away from parents (In a daughter's case, that happens by default after marriage) You can have distances between friends, siblings and even children.You can disown money, properties and belongings. Parents can also disown their offspring. I want to know, How do you disown a Husband?

I'm pondering over this since a couple of days now. Have gone wrong somewhere. After peaceful contemplation I realize that since it is impossible to change certain things, it would be worthless to try that.

Also, I'm brought back to two things I sternly believe - 1. There's a time for everything.
2. Everything happens for a reason.

Suddenly all my hard feelings had vanished because with a calm mind I noticed all the effort that he has been putting but the results just done come.

I walked down the memory lane when I had held on to a relationship very dear to me, it dint last. Maybe because I had to be with a person who loves me loyally, unconditionally and uncontrollably. :*

I dint have a proper bedroom for a year and a half after my marriage and then I had the biggest and most well designed one in the whole house :)

I recollect the phase when I thought I was going to have a baby (that happened twice) but Cherith's news came to me as a birthday present, the best one ever!!

So no matter how hard you try for something to work, if it doesn't have to, it will not. No matter how badly you want a certain someone to be with you, if it doesn't have to be, it won't be. All in all, things will come to you when they ought to. That's the masterplan.

Someone had once told me 'Dont focus on the action but the intention behind the action'. I must admit that hubby's intent has always been good but like a character Jethalal Gada his luck always makes him look like the culprit.

So now at the end of all the brainstorm, I'm happy that I have him, happy to be his one and only. What's the spice of life without ups and downs, the real test is to take everything in good stride. It's fun as well at times..

I hereby disown all the expectations that causes unwanted burden on him. I disown all the negativity that creeps up time and again. I disown the doubts and worries. I trust him and love him and that's more than enough to keep me going.

I pledge to be with him, support him in all his efforts whether fruitful or not. We are in it together, until death do us apart..

Lots of love to Janaab...
Thank you for the efforts..


Cheers!
God Bless!!

CHS

Relive...

Afternoons are Cherith's doze times, the only time I can use my phone for myself (other times are rhyme times). Janaab presented me a new phone and I was transferring files from to old to new.

In the process I went through all the thousand pictures in the old one choosing the ones I wanted to carry forward. It had pictures that were clicked before Cherith was born.

The rakhi I celebrated nearing full term, the dinner I had when the house arrest was killing me. Cherith first picture, welcome at home, rituals that followed. We three as a family happily ever after, my birthday celebration.

Cherith first coos, crawl, walk, his first Holi, Diwali, Birthday. The videos of his play times, in the Walker, mama becoming his ghoda and when he walked talked thoda thoda..

The family trips, courtship long rides, the lovely texts from janaab, miss you texts from home. The rakhi photoshoot, resort day outs and out of station weddings. Jiju and bhabhi joining our family and the newest and cutest member perithu...

Honestly I have been pestering hubby to take time out for a family trip. Though that break is a much needed one, I realised that I had such lovely memories in abundance already.

I was so engrossed in planning for a holiday that I barely remembered the little good things that kept coming my way time and again. Happens with all of us. So I spent a few hours looking at each and every one of those pictures and relived all those moments.

At the end of it, when Cherith woke up, I felt like I was taking him in my arms for the first time again.. I felt light and happy. I smiled as if I had just been to those places again, done those things again, lived with my loved ones and felt special all over again... It was rejuvenating!

All of us have our struggles and worries in life. We also have some people who make our lives extraordinary. We may not get time to come together often but we do have some stills that comprise of our memory world.

So here's a small tip to all those sailing in the same boat as me. Routine will come back sooner than we want it to but to be alive to every moment, lets take a few minutes out to go through some of the adorable snapshots of our beautiful past and get set to go along the present with new energy...


Relive and rejuvenate..
Cheers!!
God bless!


CHS

The unfortunate....

Cherith is one outgoing kid. Anyone steps out of the house, he wants to be the one accompanying. Three days back I was to go to office to fetch hubby some office stuff and he insisted on coming along.

As soon as I got out of the gate, I had a flash. I saw both of us walking by the side when a motorist hit him and I stood there screaming in shock.

I blinked my eyes and I found him standing beside me holding my hand saying "let's go mumma". I sternly instructed him to hold my hand at all times or I shall not take him. He agreed and we walked ahead. In my mind I repeated "I will not let anything like that happen"

The coming time had decided to cheat me though and Cherith met with an unfortunate accident. I was not with him at that time but of what I was informed, he had been hit by a recklessly rash autodriver just two buildings away from home.

I heard his cry and came running trying to figure out what happened. I had a feeling it was best to take medical help and we rushed him.

One the way, I spoke to him, got him to respond and inspected him for severe wounds. We reached a close by hospital and as soon as I put him down on the bed I was shocked at the sight of his unusually swollen thigh. It hit me when the doctor informed that his bone was broken. In my mind, I cried imagining what more he had to go through.

With basic first aid we rushed him to a specialised hospital where at one point I felt he would give up. I prayed to God that it is only he who has to look after my child now. Everything fell into place when all the tests were done, he was plastered and taken to the icu for monitoring.

The Ortho and neuro doctors gave us great relief the next day as they told us it was nothing incurable. But he needed intensive care and medication. I was just preparing myself for the coming days when I was shown the footage of the cctv camera that recorded the accident.

The video showed Cherith leaving a hand and trying to cross the road to go to his grandmother and he was hit. I did not bother to look at the auto after I saw him roll one the road screaming in shock and pain.

All this while, I did not blame anyone. That was easy to do but understanding what had taken place was crucial. I chose to be mum and just take care of my child.

But now, I could not help but think. If someone would have held his hand tighter or not had let him go. If someone had pushed him closer to self or would have been vigilant about the speeding vehicle the story would have been different.

People say that it was fate but I can not negate the carelessness that I saw in the video. I refuse to accept it as mine or Cherith's ill fate. After all children are agile, what are grown ups around for?

It is my two year old, naive baby suffering, going through a crucial procedure of healing a broken bone. He also has to come out of the shock and rise up again.

You must be wondering why I am writing this while I should be taking care of my kid. Well, he is asleep and my sleep is haunted by the video and the if's that linger.

This is just to urge all parents (especially mothers) to be extremely careful with your children and as far as possible do not leave them at anyone else's responsibility.

When something unfortunate happens, eveyone will visit, be around you but nothing is more painful than watching your active child bedridden, writhing in pain, longing to do all things he used to but can not do for a while...

Please pray that I prove to be a good mother and for Cherith to muster all the strength, courage and patience to recover well so God blesses him with a healthy and happy life ahead.

CHS

Troll police.

MTV hosts yet another great show troll police. Finding people who troll celebrities just to grab eyballs. Nothing else could really be the reason. Getting attention while demeaning the other.

Watched one episode and Tapsee Pannu handles te troller so bravely and with maturity that at the end he swears to being not only a responsible blogger but also a protector to others who are trolled.

Well Tapsee was targeted through he photographs but I also came across one who was trolled for not being connected with the issue at all.

Its about Virat Kohli's performance in India's test match against South Africa. Disgustingly people blame his wife, an extremely talented Anushka Sharma for that. Like really??

Honestly my heart broke too when I red about the wedding. I was also upset when Virat was heading back to pavilion but hey, that does not mean I hold his wife guilty.

Anushka is an actress, so when any of her movies don't do well, will her hubby be held at fault? Doesn't that sound comically invalid?

Being funny sometimes turns into insulting in such situations which is preposterous. I agree he plays for the country and is answerable for a bad performance, but he is liable and not his family and likewise for any one else in that situation.

Time and again we forget that these are real humans. They have a right to feel and emote. They are entitled to some personal space like all of us. So why not grow up and watch it like a fair match and not play the judgmental and blame game.

In my opinion, it is absurd to barge into one's personal space and comment nonsense of the situation or personal choices when you know that your opinions will not change anything for the other. You can be an admirer, a disliker or and ignorer but you can not be an idiot hiding behind an id being a ridiculer.

Internet and social media has made our world smaller, got us all close together. We can now see what is happening in the lives of people we only dream to meet or become. It is indeed a superpower we have, that what we write about one can be read by millions within minutes.

We are not the generation to be told what to do, what to wear and how to talk. Well it is the right given to everyone regardless of the subject being common or popular. So why not spare the humiliation and act with some humility.

We cannot change everything but a little does help. Let us be responsible in using the tools of social media, let us confront the ones who refuse to respect others, let us just put across clearly that shaming anyone is totally unacceptable.

Be the police, troll your inner self and follow your heart. Afterall, when we do not like it for ourselves why let it happen to anyone else.

Cheers!
God bless!!

CHS

Happy new year..!

Cherith has been playing with balloons off late. He asks one to blow the balloon and then releases the air in someone's ear. I love his laugh that follows. He also likes to bounce them up in the air, not letting them touch the ground. Carefree balloons..

This morning there were three balloons which Chetan tied together for Cherith to play. The moment he bounced them in the air, they rapidly came down. He tried again but they dint go a long way up. I told him they are all together baby, they won't go very high..

My own words flashed the very popular story that we have all been told. The one about the sticks. The moral of the story said if the stick is alone, it can be broken but it takes a lot of strength to break a bunch of sticks tied together.

My thoughts contradicted the story entirely. Imagine this, a single balloon needed just some air to rise itself and it touched the ceiling in no time. But when a bunch of balloons tried to do the same, they fell because of the others' weight.

Sure it is a wonderful thing to be bound together but what is the point in being lifeless sticks only stuck together to portray unity.

Envision the variedly hued balloons optimistically moving with the flow of wind, casually bouncing into one another in the air and continuing their cruise.

More often today, people only stay together but live in disparate worlds altogether. Why is it a requisite to be under the same roof to be called a family? Is it advisable to be one as bodies and scattered as souls? Why would we want to be only in the eyes and not in memories?

Won't it be more fun and worthwhile to have our own identity, being exuberant and soaring in our fields while also being in touch with our dear ones?

Irrespective of our gender, age or education can we just be treated as human beings allowed to take decisions, to fall and get up, to make mistakes and learn, to love and to dislike and above all to live carefree and make the most of the bounty offered by our creator?

Lets not be shackles that ceremoniously chain their beloved. Let's all be balloons that not only have individuality but also the potential to support others' flight.

Have a gratifying, sublime year ahead. Be free, be radiant, be you!


Cheers!!
God bless!!

CHS